Beta

Chapter 21

Shiro hadn't slept that night. He got ready for bed at the regular time and stayed staring at the ceiling until he heard the frantic knocking at his bedroom door.

The older alpha knew it was Keith. He could feel his panic and knew that this was not the normal amount of anxiety Keith was used to having. He himself almost started to panic.

Shiro bolted upright in bed, turning to face the door, contemplating if this anxiety was from not having Shiro with him or if this was something else entirely.

When the knocking did not stop, Shiro chose to believe that this was something more than separation anxiety. Once the head alpha had opened the door, his arms were immediately full of a sobbing Keith. 

Now, a clingy mate was one thing. Separation anxiety between mated pairs, especially after long bouts of being apart, was incredibly normal. Shiro could tell that this had probably stemmed from this factor. After months of barely being outside each other's sight, sleeping in separate places must have been a shock to Keith's system. Just like how Shiro couldn't fall asleep.

Shiro predicted that something like this could have happened. He knew that Keith is more submissive than the average alpha and liked to be taken care of. He never thought that Keith would work himself into a panic attack if he were to ignore him for the night. He knew that Keith was insecure about actually liking being submissive, yet the younger boy always avoided the topic when Shiro had tried to talk to him about it.

At Keith's mention of hating change, Shiro now knew that Lance was somehow connected to this situation. This was not just about being forced to sleep on the couch anymore.

"What changing scares you?"

No answer.

"Is this about Lance?"

Keith tensed.

"Keith, nothing is going to change because of Lance coming into this relationship. Nothing bad anyway. He will build a nest in our bed and he'll love us and let us love him. Once the war is over, he will give us pups and we will have everything we ever wanted. We will be so happy. All of us together." Shiro smiled just thinking about it.

Keith was excited for that aspect. He wanted to have a relationship with Lance. But he didn't want to change the relationship he had with Shiro. How will that be possible if Keith had to act like a normal alpha? 

An alpha that makes sure he gets his way, and has others submit to him. An alpha that doesn't want to be cuddled and kissed and fucked by another alpha.

And Keith was back to crying.

Shiro's heart hurt. He felt as if Keith didn't want to be in a relationship with Lance.

"Do you really not want a relationship with Lance that much?" Shiro felt like crying. He refused to choose between them.

Keith snapped up, meeting his alpha's eyes, "N-No alpha. No no no. I love Lance so much. I want a relationship with him, I just-" He cut himself off.

Just what? What was really holding Keith back?

"Keith," Shiro let out a confused huff, "I don't understand."

"I'm not normal Shiro! If Lance is around I have to be normal and I don't like being normal. If I'm normal then we will all be normal and then I won't not be normal but i'm supposed to be normal but i'm not!"

Shiro knew Keith was bad at expressing himself but this was just ridiculous. 

After a few moments of silence, Keith tried again, "I like how we are now. I love our relationship. But it isn't right to like it. Lance will expect us to be his alphas which means I can't have it the way it is now because I need to be like a normal alpha. And I'm supposed to be okay with going back to acting like a normal alpha but I'm not because I like a dick in my ass."

Shiro was finally starting to put the pieces together.

"Wait, you're upset because you think Lance won't except you as a submissive alpha?"

Keith nodded. He was done with talking at this point. His face was a mess of tears and he was blushing from his ears down to his chest. 

Shiro took a moment to think about the situation. He loves the relationship he had with Keith. He loves kissing and cuddling and fucking his counterpart just as much as Keith liked to be kissed and cuddled and fucked. Lance shouldn't change that aspect of the relationship. Now Shiro was also trying to remember if he ever told Keith that he was into their relationship as much as the younger was.

Startled, Shiro realized he thought it was a given. Keith wasn't some placeholder for an omega. He was his baby and Keith had to realize that.

"Baby," Shiro started, "No one ever said that you would need to change once Lance decides to give us a chance. I love the way we are. I didn't know you were so insecure about this. I am so, so sorry that I never talked this out with you. I love us. I love everything about us, and you don't have to change anything about yourself just to fit into some stereotype."

Shiro kissed his forehead, then his nose, and lastly a peck to his lips. 

Keith smiled from the attention. A weight had been taken off of his chest. 

Shiro continued, "The only alpha you have to be is yourself and if by some tiny chance Lance doesn't want you the way you are, then he wouldn't have been made to be mated to us."

Shiro pulled Keith in close, rubbing the scent gland on the younger's neck with his nose.

"Now please, stop acting like someone you're not, and be yourself. That's the only way the people on this ship are going to learn to trust you. Pretending to be something you're not is going to hurt you. Denying your instincts and needs will make you sick."

Keith gulped at that. He had gotten sick before. He thought it was separation anxiety from Shiro at first. 

About a week after the Kerberos mission shot into the sky did Keith notice something was really wrong. He was trying his best to be the alpha he was supposed to be. He postured at other alphas in his class, stood his ground when it came to Iverson and lead projects every chance he got.

He hated every second of it, but it was what was expected of an alpha.

But then the fever started. Then the chills and constant shaking. He only really put the pieces together when his scent glands began to itch and dry. The next thing he knew he was in the infirmary being told to take better care of himself or he would have gotten a blood infection.

He still hadn't told Shiro about that. 

Once back in his dorm, he pulled out one of Shiro's sweaters that he may have stolen and promptly passed out on his bed with his nose inside the collar.

He went on to become the recluse at the back of his classes. Still top of the fighter class, but not the forward, posturing asshole he used to try to be.

But look at him now: Doing the same exact thing to the other people on the ship just because he didn't want the others to know he liked being taken care of by another alpha. 

finally, everything clicked in Keith's mind: it's okay not to be normal.

"No more pretending?" the older asked.

Keith sighed, "I guess so."

Though it wasn't a very enthusiastic response, Shiro took it.