Reverse Falls Preferences

Please read! I need to get this off my chest. Something quick to say.

Okay. I need to get this off my chest. This is a little random, but I wanna know if anyone else has felt this. You see someone you have been with, they were your best friend, and even after the relationship is over, you still care and love them deeply? so much that you feel as if you'll never find someone like them again. Okay so, If you have been following me and reading my past announcements, you know 2021 hasn't been the best year for me. My best friend, since childhood, was murdered and his murderers got away with it. I was sexually harassed by a friend. And me and my girlfriends relationship didn't work out because of something personal. Alright, if you don't follow me, me and my girlfriend broke up like, mid-April. And, I was at the mall a few weeks ago, and I saw her with the guy, (Josh) who sexually touched me. My other friend Austyn told me to talk to her but I felt, so. . .betrayed. Not that she is most likely moving on, but she is hanging out with him?? After he hurt me inside?? yes, I know he apologized. But I feel hurt. And not just that, I feel hurt that she is possibly moving on and I still love her. I hurt so much I feel pain. All I want is my best friend Branden to hold me. But, I know it won't happen. And I want to move on as well, and I want to become best friends with my ex (Gordiava) like we used too. But Josh is like a brother to us all, and I'm scared if they start dating, I won't be over her. I always had that feeling Josh had a crush on her, but her?? I never thought she was like this. But then again, just because they were hanging out at the mall and holding each other more than they usually do, doesn't mean anything. Maybe he was the one who helped her through the break up. Austyn helped me through it, maybe Josh helped her. But really, I want to move on. I want her to be happy. And It's just so hard. I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should be saying this, but sometimes I want to get away from all this pain I'm feeling so bad, and see Branden and be with him again, I think about doing things that I can't mention on here. But if you guys have any advice, please tell me. I really need help. I don't know what to do. Thank you. <3