no control → l.s

twenty three.

"you've still got the keys to my house?" i asked niall, who was unlocking the front door.

"our house, thank you very much. and yes, i do" he rolled his eyes, walking in. i scoffed and shook my head, following him inside.

we both took our shoes off, he immediately headed to the kitchen— not surprising— and i let out a small laugh.

i carefully wandered around the house, searching for my mum. even though i'm pretty sure she's at work, but a little search doesn't kill.

after being sure that she isn't home, i made my way to the kitchen, where niall is at. he looked up at me, eating some snacks from his cabinet.

"so, ready to talk?" he asked as he put his phone down, completely turning to me. i bit my lip, nodding. no i'm not ready to talk, niall.

"well, i'm all ears. take your time, harry." he got all serious again, giving me a reassuring smile. gods sake i was way too stupid for ghosting such a beautiful soul.

i took a seat on the table, across him.

"so first off, what happened between you and lou? honestly, you two were so cute together and-"

"i cheated on him." i cut him off.

i heard him slightly gasp, still not being able to look up at him.

"you what?" he snapped.

"i mean- i didn't- i don't know niall! for fucks sake!" i immediately started to panic, regretting my words and holding my face. all of this is nonsense and stupid, no one is smart enough for this shit.

i suddenly felt his hand on my shoulder, but i didn't dare to look up. i don't know if he's mad, or if he feels pity, or if he's just neutral about the whole thing which he shouldn't be, obviously.

"harry. look at me," he said, not removing his hand. i didn't, so he just gripped my shoulder.

after that, i looked up at him, fear building up in me. i was genuinely scared, i was scared of him leaving me and turning his back on me like everyone else.

however, i didn't find him say anything. he just looked at me and sort of studied my face, i frowned and broke the contact, looking at the wall in-front of me.

"did you actually?" he asked after a moment, his voice was clear and low.
i shook my head and got up from my seat, causing him to back away.

"no i didn't."

"then tell me the truth!"

"there is no truth , niall! you don't understand- you wouldn't understand!" we were raising our voices at each other.

which also takes us to our first serious 'argument' , we've never been like this. there were no secrets, just nothing between us. but now there is, and i'm scared because i can't tell him, which will definitely cause him to get mad at me and then leave.

"even liam and zayn were ignoring you today. all of them are mad at you, harry. what have you done?" he asked, his voice being stern and serious.

"fuck liam and zayn."

"no actually, fuck you!" he pushed me back, glaring at me.

right before i knew what i was doing, i threw a punch against his jaw. a really hard one. i needed to hit someone or just something so bad, i needed to let my anger — or whatever that's boiling up in me — out. however; i never excepted that person to be niall.
i've never hurt him, i've never laid my hands on him. but i don't know what's happening to me anymore.