no control → l.s

eighteen.

sep.20.2011.
-

"like i fucking said, i don't want him to sing with us." louis snapped, pointing at me.

"lad come on! the concert is in less than ten days! what the hell happened between you two?" zayn got involved, looking at both of us.

we were standing in the hallways. liam,zayn,louis, and my best friend niall on one side, and me, standing in front of them.

"no. get lost." louis told me, not even looking at me. "oi dude watch your mouth. i don't know what happened that is causing you to snap at my best friend like that , but whatever it is, we have a right to know as well!" niall said, raising his voice at louis.

i closed my eyes and all i wanted to do was cry. or sleep and never wake up again. you know, people have told me that life goes on, but to me, it's the saddest part. i don't want it to go on, i want it to end. i want everything to end.

louis didn't answer him, he just kept his gaze with the floor. he hasn't looked at me all day, and i don't blame him for it. but i don't regret doing anything.

" 's okay ni. the song isn't even good anyways, you guys can sing it without me," i said, no emotions added to my words. and that caused louis to finally look up at me, "oh yeah? well i regret dedicating it to such an asshole!" he yelled in my face. i didn't even flinch, i just looked at him.

i'm tired. i'm sad —the worst kind of sad— and that's for not being able to explain why. to explain what happened. i wanted to cry, i wanted to sob and break down. but tears come from the ur heart, not your brain. and at this point, my heart isn't even stable. so there is barely any tear left in me.

liam grabbed louis and took him back, " guys please. tell us what happened," liam pleaded, still not letting go of louis.

" do you want to go on and tell them? tell them what you fucking did?" louis spat, a glare added to it. they were all looking at me , but i didn't respond. of course i won't explain what happened.

"i have to get to class," i said before immediately walking off, leaving them behind me.

Right before I was about to enter class, a hand grabbed my arm, " harry. What happened?" it was niall. I didn't look at him, I couldn't. He's my best friend, and knowing that I can't explain shit or open up to him breaks me.

"Niall, I can't. I'm so sorry-" my voice was shaky and I had to stop before i break down in front of the whole class. The teacher walked in and we both noticed, niall eyed me worriedly and put his arm around me, hugging me tightly. "we'll talk later." is all he said before walking off.

-
Class was finally over. Not that i was paying attention, because I wasn't. I was too tired for that. My whole body hurt, I was hurt.

And then i saw him, everything flashed back in front of my eyes. The things he did, and the things he was still doing.

So I turned around and walked off quickly, before he could see me. The bathroom appeared to be right in front me, so I headed there.

I leaned against the wall, even tho it might be gross but I couldn't care less. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. Then I heard the door slowly open, I froze in my place. Shit, what if it's him. what if he saw me. I put my hand over my mouth, holding my breath.