Just Steve

T H I R T E E N

"Sweetheart, are you alright?"

You were standing on your tiptoes in the spacious walk-in closet of your new room. It was nice to have so much space for all of your clothes, but the top shelves were just out of reach. Unfortunately, you didn't get any of the tall genes on your dad's side of the family leaving you, as your mother so kindly put it, vertically challenged. 

Steve who had been sitting in your bed waiting for you to change into your pajamas must have heard you grunting as you struggled to reach for your clothes. Too stubborn to ask for help, you called back out to him. 

"Yea I've got it, just give me a second,"!you said while jumping up making a grab for the sweatshirt. Hearing a soft chuckle, you turned around to see Steve staring at you with a smirk on his face. He was wearing grey sweatpants with a black t-shirt, and you couldn't help but be annoyed by how good he looked without even trying. It just wasn't fair. 

"Don't laugh at me, I can reach it," you whined, turning back around to face the shelves. 

Steve walked up until he was standing right behind you, your back pressed into him. He reached over you, easily plucking the sweatshirt from the shelf. 

"You're barely five foot three (Y/N), why would you put your favorite sweatshirt on the top shelf?" 

You turned around so that he could hand it to you to find that he hadn't backed away from you yet. Since you were standing so close you had to tilt your head up high, to meet his eyes. Damn, short genes.

"Well, not all of us have super soldier serum's that can make us taller,"  you teased.

Steve smiled back at you, and you kept waiting for him to move away but he stayed put. The electricity in between the two of you felt tangible, as if you were both statically charged. You were only a few inches apart and it still felt like too much distance. You needed to be closer. You found yourself subconsciously leaning forward slowly, Steve mirroring your actions.

You froze, your lips practically touching trying to regain any sort of control and to not give into your impulses. You closed your eyes, taking a deep breath you started to lean away from Steve. Instead of letting you drift away, he wrapped on arm around your waist and the other on the back of your neck pulling you gently but firmly back into him, crashing your lips together. His hand snaked through your hair as you deepened the kiss. You knew you shouldn't be doing this. You had agreed you should be just friends. But no matter how hard you tried to deny the feelings that had been forming, staying away from him was too difficult. Maybe even impossible. This didn't feel wrong, it felt right. Amazingly and incredibly right. So right that you both got lost in the moment, your hand tugging slightly at the back of his shirt, breaking the kiss shortly to help him lift the black fabric over his head.

Just when he was reaching for your shirt you heard a familiar voice calling her name faintly in the distance, repeating it over and over, getting louder each time. You blinked your eyes rapidly, adjusting your eyes to a dimly lit room as you sat upright in your bed, your chest rising and falling in fast movements. 

Looking across the room you saw Steve, fully dressed in a navy blue sweater staring back, concern written all over his face. Realizing that it had all been a dream, you sighed leaning your head back onto your headboard. Great, dreaming about kissing the father of your child who you had promised you would just be friends with. This was just fan-freaking-tastic. You thought if one of you was going to have any real trouble keeping things 'pg' it would be Steve, but boy had you been wrong.

"Are you alright?" Steve asked, walking over to your bed. He sat down on the edge and he patted it lightly, motioning for you to come sit next to him. You obliged, making your way towards him but being sure to maintain a few feet in between you and the man you had just been dream-making-out with. 

"I was just walking by your room, the door was slightly open and I thought I heard you call out my name so I came in but you were sleeping" Steve explained, looking at you intently with those piercing blue eyes. You knew your cheeks must have turned pink in embarrassment, realizing Steve might know you had dreamed about him. Not knowing what to say you shrugged lazily, hoping he wouldn't pressure you to talk about it. 

The two of you sat in silence for a moment. You could tell he had something that he wanted to say and that he was nervous about bringing up. Meanwhile, you just continued to sit there quietly, trying to ignore all the embarrassment you were still feeling, until he was ready to talk. Eventually, Steve spoke, breaking the silence.

"Hard to believe you've been living here for almost two weeks. I feel like I've barely seen you," he stated, and you looked down avoiding his gaze. You were fairly certain you knew what he was getting at but didn't want to help him get there. 

"Have you been avoiding me?" Steve asked bluntly. 

Uhhh yes.

You had been avoiding Steve every chance you got, always making sure that you were never alone together. You often found yourself hiding away in one of the campus libraries into the late hours to avoid returning back to the tower where you knew he would be waiting for you. The truth was you were terrified. Whenever you spent time with Steve you felt glimpses of emotions you hadn't felt since some of your best days with James. You couldn't allow yourself to feel anything for him other than friendship, because that would result in you needing him. You wouldn't ever allow yourself to need anyone. Not again. Not when you now had a baby who needed you. As a result, avoiding Steve had been instinctual, even practical.

Did you feel slightly guilty about it? Yes. Guilty enough to stop avoiding him? Hell no.

Sitting there quietly, you were conflicted about what to say. You didn't want to lie, but this was definitely not something you wanted to be talking about. Steve seemed to take your silence to mean that like he had thought, you had been avoiding him. He scooted slightly closer to you, still leaving plenty of space in between but close enough so that he was able to reach over to you and tilt your head back up to meet his eyes. 

"You know you can trust me (Y/N), right?" he asked sincerely, his thumb caressing your cheek lightly before moving his hand back to his lap. 

The way you saw it you had two options. You could continue running away from all of this, keeping yourself closed off from Steve and hope that in some way you could raise a child together but separately. Or, you could stay. Really allow yourself to move in to the tower, and give Steve a real chance. You wanted to choose the first option, but deep down knew the second was the right choice. After all, you had been vulnerable with Peter the other night and it had gone well. Why couldn't you be vulnerable with Steve?

"I'm sorry, I want to trust you, I do. You've  been so supportive with all of this and I appreciate that, I do it's  just... after everything that's happened it's hard for me. Everyone I trust seems to let me down in the end. It makes it really hard for me to let new people into my life."

Steve's eyes glinted as you spoke. The concerned expression on his face seemed to be replaced by some unidentifiable emotion. What was it, was it relief? 

"Did you ever think that maybe you are just putting your trust in the wrong people?" he asked. 

Was that true? Obviously you had been wrong to trust James and Amanda but it's not like they had a bunch of red flags that you had just ignored. Maybe there were red flags that you had missed? You shrugged, shaking your head slightly, it was too complicated of a question that you simply did not have an answer to this early in the morning.

"I'm in this for the long haul (Y/N). I promise you I'm not going anywhere. I just need you to give me a chance. I can't be there for you if you don't let me. I know it feels like everyone you let into your life lets you down, but I can be the exception," Steve stated his eyes still trained on you.

"Okay, I'll try," you replied simply.

He seemed a little shocked by your change of heart but he smiled graciously. You felt a little tug on your heart, seeing the smile on his face and knowing that you had been the one to put it there. Oh man. You returned his smile but was left to wonder how the hell you were going to really let this man into your life without falling for him. Hard. Crap.