Just Steve

T H I R T Y

What in God's name is he doing here?

Your mouth fell open slightly, eyes growing wide as he strode towards you. His steps seemed slow and calculated, simultaneously giving you the desire to sprint in the opposite direction and paralyzing you on the spot. Your feet felt glued to the cobblestones below, while he had no trouble quickly closing the distance between you. That's the way it really feels to be completely and utterly shocked. People always say that "time stands still". The pretty girl makes eye contact with the handsome stranger in the ballroom and everything else around them seems to move in slow motion. But that's not what really happens. Time doesn't stand still, you do. You stand frozen while everything else around you continues on, relentlessly. 

He was everywhere. In the air you breathed, from the tips of your fingers to the very depth of your soul. It ran through you, consuming you in its entirety no matter how badly you wished it wouldn't. You felt lost and unsure. You were drowning in his overwhelming presence, your heart and soul absorbing every drop of him it could while your body and mind screamed for him to vanish and leave you in peace. You were a ship being pulled out into the dark waters by the strength of the wind and waves, the safety and clarity of the lighthouse growing dimmer until it vanished, leaving you stranded at sea. And still you heard his name, a loud foghorn that reached every piece of you, leaving no part untouched.

Steve.

"You're a difficult girl to track down."

His voice was the same but everything else felt different. His hair had grown a little longer and a scruffy but full beard covered his face. It made him seem older, intimidating, and somehow even more attractive. Damn it.

You stared at him in silence willing yourself to speak. To move. To do anything. But nothing came to you. After all, what can you say to the man who put your heart back together only to break it again?

You had always known he was going to find you eventually. It was inevitable. But you didn't feel ready for any of this. There were so many reasons for hiding from him, some completely valid and others, even you had conceded, stemming from your own personal issues. Regardless, just seeing him standing there was hurting you.

He was someone you thought you could trust. He was someone you saw yourself building a life with one day. Now he was standing in front of you as someone who had ripped your heart in two. And that was too much for your defeated self to handle. So you pushed past him, heading back to the safety of your house. Whatever conversation you were about have was not one you wanted to have in the middle of the street. It wasn't a conversation you wanted to have period.

Steve followed closely behind, his hand resting not more than an inch away from your back, ready to stop you if you tried to make a run for it, but you weren't stupid. He obviously knew where you were staying now so there was no point in running even though every bone in your body was telling you to try anyway.

You walked back to the house in silence but the quiet was anything but peaceful. Part of you hoped that the walk would buy you some time to figure out what to say to him and process what was happening. But you were wrong. With each step your heart beat faster, your anxiety levels reaching heights you had not known were possible. By the time you reached the front door you had worked yourself up into a full blown panic attack. You sped up, jogging a few steps ahead of Steve, your breaths short and labored as you grew nauseous and dizzy. You unlocked the door, bursting through and went straight for the bathroom, clutching your stomach and locking the door behind you.

You sat in front of the toilet, your elbow resting on the rim letting your head fall into your hands as you shut your eyes, trying to slow your breathing. For a moment you thought you might get sick, your head spinning and your stomach cramping. After a few minutes passed, you were able to refocus, and with a few more deep breaths you started to feel not great but good enough to lean away from the toilet, your back resting against the bathtub.