Speak Loudly.

Chapter 11

Date: April 8, 1997 (around 2am)
Joey: Age 12
Shane: Age 13
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{Shane's Pov}

Joeys lips pressed against mine, and I held his face so that I could savor him. I wish I could hear him speaking as I kissed him. I wish I would know what he was thinking about it or how he felt about it.

But you can't have your cake and eat it too, huh?

And I slowly pulled away from him, and he slowly opened his eyelids that had fluttered beautifully to a close.

Joey: Wow...

Shane: Yeah.

Joey grabbed my hands and led me into his bedroom, closing the balcony door.

I sat down on his bed and he sat down beside me.

Joey: Look, Shaney...

Joey looked at me in my eyes.

Joey: I have something important to tell you.

He grabbed my hands in his again, intertwining our fingers and brushing his thumb down my hand. It felt nice.

Joey: Um, I...

Joey shook a little and choked on the words in his throat.

Shane: You..?

Joey crumbled a little. I saw the light that was in his eyes, the light tower, may I say, crumble to pieces. He shook and I could swear he was about to have a panic attack.

Shane: Babe! Baby... Calm down... Shhhh...

I slowly laid down pulling him on top of me. His body wouldn't stop fidgeting like he was broken or glitched. I kissed his forehead and cheek and nose and everywhere over and over again.

Shane: Shush, baby. It's okay. You're gonna be okay. I'm here. I'm here for you. You're so special to me, so beautiful. You're everything I've ever wanted and needed. You're so so so so special. Give me a kiss, another. So important that you're happy, okay? S'cute. You'll be okay.

Those were the exact words I whispered to him as he shook in my arms. Despite my circumstances, I had never had a panic attack. But it must've hurt like hell.

Joey calmed down and tears had non-purposely streamed from his eyes. No reasoning, yet.

Shane: Say what you need to, Joey.

Joey sniffled and his voice cracked like firewood when he spoke.

Joey: I love you.

I didn't say anything, taken by surprise.

Joey: I love you so much. I love every detail. The way you kiss and hold me and cry with me. The way you're so tender and kind and I need you.

Joey rambled on and I nodded.

Shane: I love you, too.

We laid in silence for a moment, Joey on top if me.

Shane: Does this change something?

Joey thought for a second.

Joey: ...no.

He stated reluctantly.

God, I was hoping he said yes. How he'd say he'd like to date me and be able to kiss me all the time, even in a period where we weren't excepted most places.

Shane: That's... That's great.

Joey nodded and faintly said 'Perfect' to himself.

Shane: I mean, wouldn't it just be the craziest thing?

Joey looked at me curiously.

Shane: It would be so crazy. Always being here to love and touch and kiss you. Being here to take the hurt away. Us growing up together, hand in hand? LIPS ON LIPS? That'd be totally insane. Me taking you away from here when we're old enough? Dancing with you in the rain? You being the person I marry instead of my best man! Delirious, crazy, insane, out-of-my-mind, bonkers!

I rambled on this time. Joey bit his lip.

Joey: So... You don't love me anymore?

I almost hit myself in the face really hard at Joeys comment.

Shane: No, Joey. I'm saying it's not as crazy as everyone makes it sound. Doesn't it all make sense? It feels right, doesn't it? If this isn't what we both think it is, than I don't know why we would throw it away, put it to the back of our messed up heads.

Joey: Five years.

Shane: What?

Joey: I've pushed my feelings for you to the back of my mind for five years.

I nodded slowly.

Shane: I'm just so in love. You don't even know how beautiful you look to the eye. You see yourself in the mirror, Every single day of the week of the month of the year. You stare at your own face so much, it resembles strangely spelled words on a paper. You know that is the way you spell them, but the more you stare at the words the more you somehow doubt them. You try to rearrange the letters and make it look perfect, but even that isn't enough for you. But you know what?

Joey sat in silence for a second, put his lips on my jaw none to the sides of my face, and whispered.

Joey: What?

Shane: If I could wake up and see your face everyday, one day, I'd see the perfect spelling no matter how you rearranged the letters.

Joey looked as if he wanted to cry.

Joey: I'm gonna start changing soon.

He started to sob into my shoulder.

Shane: Change as you please. But I will always love you for you.

I kissed his cheek and he laid flat against me, his head on my shoulder as I tried to soothe and comfort him.

Joey: You're a good talker. I can't talk like that, really.

Joey admitted between sniffled.

Shane: Only in front of you. Try to speak up to anyone else an I will crumble like the walls of Jerhico.

Joey laughed a little bit.

Joey: Don't use your bible references on me no one gets those but you.

I chuckled and ran my fingers through his soft hair.

Shane: Such a cutie. I got so lucky.

Joey smiled into my shoulder.

It took more than ten minutes of silence before I started drifting out of consciousness with Joey in my arms. I needed a good sleep.

{A/N: Sorry this is so short! You guys wanted an update.}