Never Tell Secrets (18+)

Ch 1 - Today Would Be Easier

ATTENTION RADISH READERS! Please don't leave any spoilers in here or you'll be getting a spanking from Alfie. Or Elliot. Or Keira. Whoever you'd prefer. 😘

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Lola.

Water rushed in my ears and gathered around my ankles. The smell of dank canal water filled my nose and permeated the air. The water rose, lapping at the sides of my bed. I couldn't move. My body was sunk into the mattress and I couldn't move.

"You left me." My mum's voice was hoarse and raspy, not the sweet tones I remembered. Her hair was lank and damp, her beautiful skin rotten, her deep blue eyes soulless. "You left me, how could you leave me?" she asked as she stood staring down at me with those blank eyes.

I opened my mouth but the words never came out. They got stuck at the back of my throat behind a mass of water reeds and moss that blocked my airways. I screamed a muffled scream. I squeezed my eyes shut as my mum's bloated, dripping corpse advanced ever closer to where I lay trapped in my bed. I couldn't look. I didn't want to see. My mind whirled with panic when suddenly, a different voice reached out to me.

"How could you give up on me, baby? How could you leave me behind?" I opened my eyes and found soulless steel greys staring back at me as he crouched over my frozen body. His skin rotted before me, his hair wet and slick to his scalp. "You left me." His damp hand curled around my throat. "You'll never leave me again." Water reeds sprang from his skin, shackling me to him, and I screamed and screamed as my body was taken over, my mind broken and undone.

I screamed until the reeds broke free and I shot up in bed, damp with sweat but alone.

Well, almost.

"Are you alright?" Maia stood in the doorway, her dark skin in shadow, her mass of curls pulled back in a tight bun. I gasped a breath and nodded. It was just a dream. A nightmare. The same one I'd had a thousand times. "Can I get you anything?" I shook my head and she nodded quietly, turning to leave.

"Wait," I said before the door closed. "Thank you, for never asking." She said nothing, only nodded and left me. This was why I liked Maia. She minded her own business and she never complained when my nightmares woke her up.

I pulled my knees up, one hand squeezing my mum's locket as if my sanity depended on it. Alfie sat in my chest like a piece of old shrapnel. A war wound that had never quite healed. During the day I could fight him off. I could be distracted. I could smile and laugh and live like everything was perfect. But at night, when I was alone, that was when he came for me. The dark, twisted memory I had of him. The man who had violated my trust, manipulated my psyche ... and was responsible for killing a man. Adam. He was dead because of me. I'd hated him, but that didn't make the guilt any easier.

The worst part was that even now, after all of his damage, the only person that I wanted was Alfie. I craved him every moment. I missed him in my bed, in my body. My Alfie. Except he wasn't mine. Not anymore.

I sighed, rubbing at the Alfie-shaped shrapnel in my chest. Yeah, this was all so much easier during the day. Luckily for me, the sun was beginning to rise.

I kicked off my covers and got up. Quickly, I brushed my teeth before returning to my room. I dressed, throwing on jeans and a t-shirt.
Next up on my morning agenda, I put together my bag for tonight. My dress was hanging in the hallway, fresh from the dry cleaners. I threw makeup, jewellery and spare underwear into a bag. Shoes...where were my shoes? Oh crap.