Never Tell Secrets (18+)

Ch 6 - Are You Ready?

ATTENTION RADISH READERS! Please don't leave any spoilers in here or you'll be getting a spanking from Alfie. Or Elliot. Or Keira. Whoever you'd prefer. 😘

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I spent the next day holed up in Asha's office, getting to grips with my new role. A combination of my role at Rosie's and my role as Asha's assistant, it wasn't difficult to learn the ropes. It would have been easier if Alfie hadn't been at the forefront of my mind though.

All night I tossed and turned, wondering what to do. I had read the letter over a hundred times, searching for the lie, the hidden manipulation in his words, but I couldn't find it.

The afternoon found me hunched over my sketchbook as I got started on brainstorming for my project. I was full of ideas, but my plot needed to say something, and right now I had no idea what that something was. My phone rang and I was grateful for the reprieve. I answered it without looking.

"Lo? Are you busy?" My sister's voice was unusually nervous.

"No, are you okay?" I hadn't spoken to her much since finding out Riley was Ryan's father. My sister was a person who liked to figure her drama out on her own and I'd tried to give her the space to do that.

"Yeah, I'm just...how well do you know Riley?"

I'd be lying if I said I hadn't been waiting for this phone call. "Well enough to know he's a good man. Why?"

"He wants to start spending time with Ryan and I...I don't know what to do. Can I trust him? It feels crazy to just hand my son over to a stranger, even if he is his father." Her voice shook with worry. I imagined my sister, sitting at our kitchen table, foot tapping with anxiety.

"You can trust him, but maybe you should start off slow? Spend time together first? All three of you?"

She was silent as she mulled over my words. I could practically feel her warring mind through the phone.

"It wasn't supposed to be like this," she whispered. "I've imagined finding him so many times, I never thought I'd feel so...scared."

"Of what?"

"Of losing my son," her voice cracked. "Of shared custody. Of being away from Ryan for days or weeks while he's with his Dad. Riley is so wealthy, Lo, he can give Ryan everything I can't. I've never even been able to take him on holiday or buy him a new bike. His shoes are all second hand...what if he prefers Riley?" she sniffed, her words falling over themselves in a desperate bid to be free. "What if Riley gets married? Then Ryan is spending so much time with her and maybe she's younger than me and more fun and he prefers her and-"

"- Natalie..." my heart broke for her.

"I know I'm being irrational." She sniffed again, her voice tight as she tried to keep tears at bay. I imagined Ryan playing in the garden, blissfully unaware of his mum's turmoil.

"No, you're not. I get it. But Ryan prefers me sometimes too, doesn't he? Prefers me to do bath time or read him a story and you never get jealous about that right?"

"No, I'm always grateful for the break." She let out a wry laugh.

"Right. Because when he's sick, or scared, or really proud of something, who does he always want most?"

"Me." Her voice cracked and my heart cracked too. I hated that she would ever even question this.

"You're his mother. Nothing is coming between that. Not ever."

She was quiet for a few moments as she collected herself. "I know, deep down I do know that. It's just been the two of us for so long. I don't want to lose that bond" I heard her sigh down the line. "I know I'm being selfish."