Never Tell Secrets (18+)

Ch 19 - Trust Me?

ATTENTION RADISH READERS! Please don't leave any spoilers in here or you'll be getting a spanking from Alfie. Or Elliot. Or Keira. Whoever you'd prefer. 😘

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"Are you crazy?" Keira's enraged voice hit me as soon as I stepped through the door. "'I'm staying at Alfie's. Please don't be mad. I'll explain later.' What the hell was that about?" She stood in the tiny kitchenette, the remnants of a failed attempt at spaghetti bolognese surrounding her. She folded her arms, her chocolate brown eyes fierce, but I could see concern buried underneath.

"I'm sorry," I apologised, dumping my bag onto a stool at the breakfast bar. "It was late and I couldn't tell you everything over a text."

"You could have called me. What were you doing at his place, anyway? Are you going back to him? Lola, I swear—"

"Enough," I cut her off. "I didn't mean to spend the night. I went to see him to give him his journals back because I wanted to hear his secrets from his own mouth. He agreed to tell me and took me to his house so we'd have privacy." I took a deep breath, my best friend's eyes still narrowed with suspicion. "He told me everything, Keira."

"What did he tell you?"

"I can't tell you that. They're his secrets and I promised him I wouldn't." She looked unconvinced but didn't push it. "By the time he was finished, I was exhausted and he invited me to stay in a room he'd had set up for me."

"You're really telling me you didn't sleep with him?"

"We didn't even kiss. He didn't even try," I told her, and from the lift in her brows I could tell she was surprised. If I was honest, so was I.

"Well, he's good, I'll give him that," she said, her sneer telling me exactly what she thought of Alfie's efforts.

"Stop it."

"You stop it," she snapped. "He's barely stepped a toe back into your life and he's already got us fighting."

"We're fighting because you're treating me like an idiot."

"You are an idiot!" she yelled and my eyes widened but she didn't stop. "When it comes to him, you are an idiot."

"I was. I'm not any more." I tried to keep my voice calm, tried to remind myself that I'd given Keira every reason in the world to act like an insecure nutbag. "I'm sorry I worried you. You won't lose me to him again, I swear." I implored her to trust me but her gaze barely softened.

"So, you're done with him now?" Oh hell. How was I going to explain the agreement we'd come to without making her crazy?

"Keira, something changed in him last night. After he'd told me his deepest darkest secrets and I forgave him, it was like the cage he'd locked himself in all this time suddenly sprang open. The weight keeping him from giving himself to me fully, like a normal, sane person, was gone." It was true. He had seemed different this afternoon. Still his usual, aloof self, but he was...lighter somehow. "This afternoon, he offered me a deal."

"A deal?"

"Yes," I nodded. "I agreed to give him three months so that we could heal the damage we did to each other." I said carefully, and when her eyes widened I hastily continued, "I need to see this through, Keira. We've both been stuck in this limbo for the last two years. Neither one of us has been able to move on. But no matter what he does, I'm not going back to him. At the end of the three months, I'm letting him go." I forced conviction into my words that I didn't entirely feel.

"You're setting yourself up for another heartbreak."

"I can take it." I could. It couldn't be worse than what he'd put me through before. "Keira, I'm not blind any more. Yes, I can see already that he's changed, but it's too late. What he did...he crossed a line. Even though he's done good things too, even though I understand him better now, it doesn't change what he did to me, to my life, to our friendship. But I need to see this through." I reached for her hand and squeezed it. "I need you to trust me." I watched as her eyes swam with memories of pain I'd caused her, wounds that were years old but still healing, scars on our friendship that would forever remain.