Never Tell Secrets (18+)

Ch 16 - Sleep

ATTENTION RADISH READERS! Please don't leave any spoilers in here or you'll be getting a spanking from Alfie. Or Elliot. Or Keira. Whoever you'd prefer. 😘

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His tears stopped long before the fire went out and, from our slumped spot by the door, we watched the flames die down together, like two lost souls watching an hourglass run out. When that last grain of sand fell through, when that last flame flickered out, we would have to come back to the world. 

We watched as it crackled, sputtered, and died. Just like that, this temporary tenderness between us snapped. Slowly, with regret, I crawled out of his lap and stood. I hugged my arms around my torso, watching as he rose too. He shrugged out of his jacket and folded it over the back of the chair by the fire. He ran his hands through his hair and turned to me. No one looking at him now would have ever known what a broken man he'd been a few hours ago.

"Alfie, you need help," I sighed, knowing the fight he was about to put up. "I mean, real help. Not just crying on the floor with your ex at 6am. I know you don't want to but—"

"I have a therapist," He cut me off and I stopped short, stunned.

"Seriously? Since when?"

"Since a while ago," he said, his gaze wary, waiting for me to judge him. I didn't know what to think.

"Is that why you've been so different?"

"Partly, yes. I wanted to make sure I wouldn't make the same mistakes again if I ever got another chance with you. She's helped me a great deal but she can't help me with this. I talk to her about the club, I give her a watered down version of my family, and I talk to her about you. I tell her everything about you. But I can't tell her about what I did to my father and Charles." He raised a hand as I opened my mouth to argue. "She would be obligated to report it. I understand why you think I should and you're probably right, but I can't. This is something I need to deal with alone."

"Yeah," I huffed out a laugh, "because you've been doing so great with that." 

He held my gaze for a moment, unflinching and steady. "I agree, the last twelve years I've done a shitty job of dealing with...everything. But, something has changed tonight, Lola. I feel different..." His words trailed off, his brow furrowed and I wondered what was happening in that beautiful mind of his. "I need to sit with it for a while. Then we'll talk." 

Talk? No, no, no. I couldn't get dragged into this again.

"Alfie, you and I, we aren't getting back to—"

"We'll talk." His tone left no room for argument. He fixed me with those steel grey eyes, and my insides turned to liquid. There was the Alfie I'd known. I could have argued with him, sure, but I decided to let it go, for now anyway. Exhaustion hit me in a wave. My feet hurt from still wearing Keira's high heels and I smelled like a bar. I wanted my bed with a deep ache I felt in my bones.

"Alright." I nodded, letting him have this one. Another conversation wasn't going to kill me. I picked up my bag where I'd left it on the coffee table. "Can Elliot drive me home now, please? I'm really tired."

"Of course...Or you can stay here," he said and I narrowed my eyes at him. Did he really think I was going to fall for that? "I meant you could stay in your own room."

His words made me pause. "You expect me to believe that you'll let me sleep in the guest room and that you won't bother me?" 

"It's not a guest room. It's yours." He pushed his hands into his pockets. He looked tired yet strangely nervous. I felt like he was giving me that red dress all over again. "And no, I won't bother you."