My light [ gnf x reader ]

Soft Boy

⚠️TW WARNING⚠️ MENTION OF ED, SELF HARM, $UICIDAL THOUGHTS
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"hmmm, I'll think about it" I let go of his hand and smack his hand, "ouch! I'm kidding! of course I'll go out with you cutie," we lay there for a while in a peaceful silence holding hands and just staring at the sky. It's so pretty. Just like my pretty boy.

George speaks up after a while of simply enjoying each others presence. "You said you wanted to get deep? Like get to know each other more than we already do?"

"Uh- yeah, like deepest darkest secrets, ya know?"

"yea, well what's one thing you've never told me?" I think and something pops in my head immediately, but I'm not sure I should bring it up since it's super sensitive. I've actually never told anyone, "y/n?"

"oh yea sorry, I'm thinking of something..."

"yea okay, take your time." I'm debating with myself in my head.

"I read fanfics about you all the time," I joke avoiding what I was actually gonna say

"pffft, really?" I mean I had read one or two but not ALL the time.

"well I've only read like one or two, but that's not what I was trying to say..." I'm so scared. "well- i-i umm"

"it's okay, take you time. I'm not going to look at you differently because of what you say." that comforts me a little. I sigh and take in a deep breath,

"george. I've been lying to you, when I said I was busy at my grandmas, I was at home crying all day. I have these times that come and go like waves. Okay I'm avoiding what it actually is so I'm just saying if. I have an eating disorder," even though I'm not looking at him i can feel his heart drop and he sits himself up looking right at me now. I look away ashamed

"why wouldn't you tell me this before? Who else knows, are you okay?" he questions like an investigator.

"i-i'm not done... I have adhd too," he questions me and questions me. "SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP GEORGE! YOURE MAKING THIS HARDER THAN IT SHOULD BE AND- AND- AN- and..." I trail of slowly starting to sob. He looked upset when I yelled but his face softened seeing me crying,

"i'm sorry- i-i should've known better th-th-than to ask so many questions right aw-way" he sounds like he's going to cry now too. I pull him into a hug and just hold him. We sob into each other's shoulders unable to stop crying.

I pull away a bit later and see he's looking away ashamed now.

"Hey it's okay, I'll explain to you now, just ask questions after I'm done talking okay?" he doesn't look back just nods. i grab his checks with one hands and face his head towards me making him look at me. "you're my bestfriend george, don't go all shy on me now," he laughs at that pulling him self together. "this started in 6th grade, I had a crush, but not just any crush, it was a crush on a girl. You'd probably know her, her name was jenny."

"stupid j names, wait that was your j phase huh?" george says making light of the situation. I laugh at that stupid joke,

"it sure was... it's a good thing your name is george and not jorge, than I'd of had multiple j phases... ew, ANYWAYS! I really started to question my sexuality while she was playing with my feelings the WHOLE year and then one of my best friends, that happened to be jennys cousin, also liked me but I didn't know that until like 8th grade. There were two more boys in our "group" that also had likes me at a point and I had liked them. It was this weird love square for the whole year. Being played by one another, making sexual jokes, being best friends, ranting to each other, crying with each other, a whole roller coaster of emotions. On top of that I had the WORST teacher. I've definitely told you about her. She was so rude and made me want to kill myself so many times. I had a baseball bat that I would take down stairs and beat the living shit out of our old couch at home. My "friend group" or at least the two girls always encouraged me to slit my wrists with them so I did. I got a blade from a pencil sharper they gave me and slit my wrists during school, at home, and whenever I was bored. We did it together at school all the time. I realized that they left marks and I didn't want scars so I started going over the little wrinkles on my wrist. It disguised them well." He pulls my arm out and looks at my wrists,

"which arm?" I point to my left arm. He sees tiny little marks that are super faded and very hard to see, "how did I never notice?" I continue on with my story,

"I got bullied that year so hard, by one of my close friends. Then I had family issues. My dog almost died. My family had totally split for real now, I started to notice my body wasn't as good looking as some of my friends so I stopped eating, I went days without eating, or only eating a little something. I started crying myself to sleep, cutting deeper, hitting myself with the bat instead of the couch, leaving marks and bruises everywhere. Liking the pain... I tried to kill my self, but I never went through with it,"

"why not? what stopped you?" I knew he'd ask, I was hoping he didn't. I sigh and go on,

"well, every time I knew I was close to ending it, your laugh and face popped up in my head. You looked so happy, and then you looked right at me and started crying, yelling, telling me not to do it. Then if I'd stop what I was doing you'd start laughing and smiling again."
He has a soft smile on his face, "the thing that stopped me was guilt. I felt that if I killed myself it would only free my pain, and everyone around me would hurt. I stopped trying and just hoping that something would take me out instead, do the job for me, so it didn't look like I wanted it to happen that way." he cry's a little, "no please don't-" it's too late he's crying.

I pull him into another hug and play with his hair, "soft boy" I say to him. I feel his face heat up. I pull back and look into his eyes, we can talk about the rest later. He looks exhausted from just listening, "sleepover?" I question

"of course" he replies. I don't want to make myself feel like a burden to be around. On the way home, I talk about my adhd, how much anxiety it brings, makes me some out, forget things instantly, get distracted easily, get mad quickly and more. He sniffles and then sheepishly says "my thing I was gonna tell you that I haven't even told you was that I sleep with like multiple stuffed animals, but now I just sound stupid,"

"awww, that's so cute!" honestly I do the same-

We get home and go to sleep, and get into bed not even caring that we're in the same bed. Honestly we've almost always shared a bed at sleepovers together.

"night pretty boy"

"g'nite love" my stomach flutters with butterflies.

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Word Count: 1400

Okay, okay. let's pretend this story isn't happening all in one day okay? It's actually slowing down after this chapter though I swear. I just LOVE going in detail about these things. it makes everything feel that much more real.

I also write most of these chapters at 1-3am so if some things don't make sense or ive made a spelling error, lmk!

I really do appreciate the comments, they make me laugh and smile so much

Updating this book as much as possible!!

make sure you eat and drink something after this chapter, and all chapters actually, i want to make sure I haven't trigged anyone's ed after this chapter (or anything else)

mwah lyyy