The Wrong Party

Tired PT 2

I never made it home. 

How could I? 

How could I walk into our home and kiss her with the lips that were just all over another woman? 

How could I look into her eyes and not break down and cry from guilt? 

I slept in my office, crying off and on, throwing things around and screaming out my frustrations. The only reason I even went home at all when the morning came was because I knew she would be worried, and it was a Saturday so the weekend crew would be coming in, given my appearance I had figured it was best to go unnoticed. 

When I got home, I knew she was already awake with the twins. I was praying she wouldn't be, but I knew. Deep down, I knew. I sat in my car and closed my eyes, I took a deep breath and braced myself for the aftermath. 

I walked into my house 

"Dada!" Mae squealed 

"Ahdada da!" Jay cheered as they sat in their height chairs, Reina sat in front of them feeding them, she didn't turn her head to look at me, she didn't need to for me to see the hurt in her features and the streaks on her cheeks where she had obviously been crying. 

"I didn't know if you were coming home so I didn't make breakfast, sorry" she mumbled as she fed the twins 

"That's okay" I sighed "you don't have to apologize for that" I leaned in to kiss her temple and she flinched away from me. I knew this would happen. I ignored the ache in my chest and straightened up 

"I made your favorite last night for Father's day, a cake too. They're in the fridge wrapped in foil" 

"Thank you gorgeous" I said softly "I'm going to go shower" she nodded and I turned around holding my hand over my heart where I felt an indescribable pain 

"Your gifts are still on the dresser" she mumbled from behind me. I didn't respond as I made my way up the stairs to our room. 

I got my shower as quick as possible, washing away all of the sins and the smell of Chelsea that made me feel tainted. 

Why? 

Why the fuck did I cave? 

Was I really that fucking jealous? 

I used my towel to dry off and walked over to my dresser to find an outfit for the day, I spotted the presents and my heart sank again. She remembered fathers day and went out of her way to cook me a special dinner, a special dessert, and I had presents and cards waiting for me. I should have been home with my family, celebrating. Instead I was doing shots of whiskey and fucking away my insecurities. 

I took the presents to the bed where I sat and opened them. I unwrapped the big rectangle one and smiled at the photo. I had no idea that the picture even existed. I was sitting on the couch with Mae on my chest, and Jay on my shoulder nuzzling his face into my neck but the three of us were all sound asleep and their bottles had fallen down to the floor. I loved it. My eyes watered as I sat it down and opened the next one. 

It was a wooden sign with their handprints and footprints in blue and pink paint;
"Twenty tiny fingers, twenty tiny toes, two hearts to love you forever Daddy" 

My eyes watered as I sat it aside and opened the next one, a new mug that said number one dad, I smiled at how basic and cheesy it was, but I couldn't deny the fact that I wanted one of them and chuckled to myself as I sat it aside and wiped a tear from my eyes. 

The next one had a card on top, I ripped open the envelope and read what it had to say; 

"Yoongles ❤
I love you so much, I'm so in love with you that it's hard to digest sometimes. I knew I had fallen for you before the twins came into our lives, but every day since then I've woken up in your arms and smiled at how my heart tries to get out of my chest and run to you.