The Wrong Party

Hope

I woke up to Mae crying, I walked into the nursery and picked her up out of her crib "Hey princess, shh" I patted her and bounced side to side softly

"Dada" she sobbed "ahdada"

"I know baby, daddy's here" I kissed her forehead and her temple as I tried rocking her back to sleep, I heard the floor creak and turned around just in time to see a very disheveled and crying Reina turn and walk back to her room. I sighed as I turned back around and watched Jay sleep while trying to get Mae to sleep. She was sniffling and whimpering as she closed her eyes and nuzzled into my neck "it's okay baby, I'm here" my own eyes started to water "I love you" I whispered and ran my hand over her hair "I love you so much" I sniffled and laid her sleeping form back into the crib before going back to our room and laying down. 

My bed never felt so big and empty before. My pillows still smelled of her, and my sheets only reminded me of every moment we'd spent together in the last two years. I hadn't even realized it had been that long already. The twins were ten months old, she'd been living with me since she was two months pregnant, she'd been living with me for over a year, and we'd spent every day leading up to that together for six months. 

Two years. And it's over. It could have lasted a lifetime. I could be the man she walks towards at the altar, I could be the man she comes home to every night, I could be the man she grows old with, I could be the man to still hold her, kiss her, love her. 

But no. 

Because I'm a fucking selfish moron. 

I woke up in the morning and walked down to the kitchen, there was no breakfast. Just her sitting silently, feeding the twins their breakfasts in their height chairs. Both twins cheered for me and I smiled as I walked over and kissed both of them, I turned to kiss Reina on her lips out of habit and when she flinched I apologized and walked away quickly to get to the coffee pot. 

I shook my head and sighed as I took a sip of my coffee and made myself some toast, I sat down at the table and stayed quiet. 

"I'm going to stay with Tae" she mumbled softly as Jay took the spoon from her hand and stuffed it into his mouth making her crack a small smile "he has the room for the three of us. I'm going to be looking for a new job, I'll try to work around your hours so that you can have the kids whenever you want them" 

"I wish you wouldn't do this" I mumbled as I ran a hand over my face 

"I'm sure Chelsea will help you recover rather quickly" she huffed 

"It was a mistake Reina. It will never happen again and it shouldn't have happened the first time, I don't blame you for being mad at me, hell, I wouldn't even blame you for hating me. But please, you have to know that I love you. That I'm in love with you. You can hit me, you can make every single day for the rest of my life more miserable than the last, but please. Don't leave me" 

"I don't believe you're in love with me. I did, for a minute, I believed you. I know you love me, but if you were in love with me, this situation wouldn't have happened. I could never hate you" she started to cry "I couldn't" she shook her head and wiped her face "I'll love you for the rest of my life and knowing that, fucking sucks. I wish I didn't. I'd say I wish we never met, but then we wouldn't have them" she smiled at our babies that were babbling at each other in their height chairs "but I can't be here another day in the same house with you. You literally ripped my heart out of my chest, and whether that was your intention or not, that doesn't erase the pain that I feel" 

I nodded quietly and let her words sink in "I'm so sorry Reina. Is there any way I could ever make this up to you? Is there even still the tiniest piece of you that hopes we can be together?"

"I don't know if you can" she shook her head "logically, I know we weren't together and that I shouldn't count it as cheating. But I can't help it" she sniffled "I'm in love with you, and thought you were in love with me. I know I needed time, but I guess I thought you would give me that. You promised to wait. And you didn't. So now I feel like everything you say is just another lie or hollow promise. We live together, have children together, we've made love countless times before the babies got here, we lean on each other, we do everything for one another, and I just don't understand how it ended like this" she shook her head 

"I want to say it's my fault. It's my fault for not confessing sooner. But even then, if I still hadn't had sex with you, would you have still fucked her behind my back? You were jealous and deprived of sex, but what if we had that title of officially being together? Would you have had more restraint? Would you have trusted me more? I didn't think that title mattered so much to you that it would literally be the thing that made you keep your dick in your pants" 

"It isn't your fault. This is solely on me Reina. I know exactly how I'd feel if you had fucked someone else, I would be so fucking irate I wouldn't even know what to do with myself. It has nothing to do with the official title, that's a crutch to lean on so that I can say 'I didn't cheat' but I'll face it head on. In every sense of the word, I did. And that's exactly how I'd feel if our roles were reversed. I can't excuse what I did" I shook my head "all I can do is promise that it will never happen again. Not with her, not with anyone" 

"That's not enough" she whispered 

"What is enough? There has to be a way fo-"

"I don't think there is. You're my best friend, my lover, my rock, my shoulder, my fucking everything. And now…" she cried harder "now I have nothing. And no one" 

"You have me" I wiped a tear from my eye

"No" she shook her head "I don't" 

"I don't care if you think there's no hope for us. I have hope for us. I have hope, that one day you'll forgive me. I'll spend everyday proving to you that you're the one I want and need. I hope one day you'll forgive me, you'll accept me back into your life as more than just the father of your children" 

"I think you're delusional" 

"I think you've forgotten that I know you better than you know yourself" 

"I thought that about you too" she mumbled "but I realized that I don't. Today, I feel like I don't know you at all. And the man that sits in front of me right now is not someone I want to know. I want the Yoongi back from two days ago" 

"I'm right here gorgeous" I whispered and lowered my head, her words felt like a knife twisting in my insides 

She shook her head and stood up, she grabbed the babies and carried them upstairs to bathe them for the day, once again I sat in the kitchen to cry by myself. 

I will fix this.