Sprousehart one shots

You'll Be Okay

(Requested by kyeanah13. Thank you for your request. I'm sorry it took so long. I rewrote this like 4 times and I don't think it's good but I wanted to get it out. I'm sorry it's probably bad. I hope you like it anyway.-G❤️)
⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️ If self harm effects you I would recommend you don't read this chapter. Always know there is someone to talk to, wether you self harm or not. I am also always here, just drop me a message. I hope you all are keeping well and safe! ❤️
3rd Persons POV
Cole Sprouse looked to be a happy person right? Always smiling, laughing, making others laugh. He had multiple laughs and smiles, most people adored all of them. The never went a day without complimenting one person, most days it was two because he complimented his girlfriend everyday. His sarcastic humour and his general bubblyness always made everyone's days a little easier. He was the strong one. Never complained, worked through the pain and was always there. He was the big brother of the cast. He was the rock. The cast wouldn't be the same without him. That's why when they saw him, the real him, they were all heartbroken. The real Cole. A Cole nobody saw. Not his best friends, not Lili, not even Dylan. No one. He hid it from the world like it was a thing he'd be murdered for. Like it was a thing to be ashamed about. Something that's forbidden or looked down on. Something nobody did, when really, the were a lot of other people who struggled silently like he did, he just didn't know. He also didn't know that people has started to catch onto him.
Lili's POV
Watching the person you love most lose their smile is scary. He didn't know I knew he was getting sadder but I did. It's take me a while, 6 months to be exact but I see it now. His laugh isn't as cheery, his smile doesn't reach his eyes. He doesn't look as happy. It makes me feel really really stupid not seeing it, he can read me like a book but I couldn't with him clearly. I knew it was time for me to step in when he started not hanging out with us, saying he was tired or had planned to call his dad for the first time in awhile. He even ate less. The excuses only work for so long though. I didn't want to straight up with him because I know from experience it isn't nice, that what makes it worse. I know what he feels, what his head is thinking. The thoughts, the words. The everything. I'll get it before it gets too bad though. Before he starts hurting himself, or that's what I thought.
Cole's POV
I've been in a 'dark' place before, it's never been a secret but things have never been this dark. I have never even though about hurting myself until a couple of months back but now, I couldn't cope without it. It makes the mental pain a little easier. I'm hiding it from the world, this depression. It's not something I should hide but I am hiding. I need to be strong on the outside for everyone, for Lili. On the inside I'm dying but that's okay because it's on the inside. Fake it till you make it right? I've some what mastered my fake smile and laugh. I fake it in front of everyone. When I'm alone my mind takes over and the blades go to work. I take every second I'm alone to use, not getting much time alone. Lili and I live together and work together so we travel most days, spend nights off and time off together. I'm never really alone for a long period of time but even if it's for 10 minutes I'll use it. I cut and burn myself. My thighs and lower stomach get it all because I know they will always be covered, sometimes my wrists too, I make an excuse anytime Lili wants to, you know. The good things about being a smoker is I can burn my hand and say it was an accident. It's not healthy, I know it isn't but I need it. It's my only escape. I could talk to Lili, she's understand, she used to but I don't want to see the look on her face. I don't want her to look at me differently. She will look at me differently, I know she will. Everyone will, that's why no one can know. I don't wanna die but at the same time, I don't really want to live. In other words, if someone tried to murder me I'd let them. Dark, I know.
L: "Cole!" She calls out clicking her fingers in front of my face. I shack my head.
C: "hm? What?" I ask confused. She frowns.
L: "what's up? You've been zoned out for like 5 minutes. You wouldn't snap out of it." She says concerned. I sigh and quickly think of an answer.
C: "sorry. Didn't sleep well last night, just tiredness. Sorry." I say shrugging. KJ groans.
KJ: "oh my word! Me too! I swear I got like, an hour last night. Clara was about to kick me out cause I kept tossing and turning." He says chuckling. I fake a chuckle. I could feel Lili's eyes burning into the back of my head. I frown.
C: "what?" I ask confused. She sighs.
L: "you were asleep before me." She says, I huff.
C: "I woke up." I say sighing. She squints her eyes.
L: "what time?" She asks me. I huff.
C: "Jesus!what is this! 100 questions. Like 1 or something. I don't know." I say shrugging. She just shacks her head. She's onto me. She frowns and glances down my body, staring quickly at me thighs. She sighs and stands up.
L: "I have to go film. Keep an eye on him please?" She asks KJ. I groan.
C: "your worse than my mum! I'm fine! I don't need baby sat my a kid himself." I say throwing my arms up. KJ chuckles.
KJ: "may as well be 5 hear difference between us." He says shrugging.
C: "it's 4 and like, 2 months or something but what ever. I don't need babysat. It's not like I'm going to roll off the seat and crack my head open. Go do your job." I say waving her off. She glares at me before walking out. I sigh.
KJ: "why so protective over you all of a sudden. It seems anything you do she's watching you like a hawk. It's been on recently too." He says frowning. I shrug. I knew she was onto me but he didn't, and that's the way it would stay.
C: "I don't know. Maybe I'm just so perfect she can't let anyone mess with me." I say in a sarcastic tone but my face as straight as a ruler. He laughs.
KJ: "probably." He says between laughs. I just look down at my hands and let my thoughts take over once again. As the day goes on, Lili's 'protectiveness' was getting really annoying. She knew something was up and she was just itching to get home to ask. We were all currently sitting in the student lounge on set. Everyone was talking with themselves and describing each other. In a joking manner, there was a couple of insults but of course me and my f*cked up head took them personally. Everyone said one word.
KJ: "funny." That one was okay.
Ca: "loud." That hurt a little but it could be worse.
Ash: "annoying." That hurt.
Mads: "Talks too much." Okay, not the worst but not the best.
L: "cute." Okay, I like that one even though it's not true. The last one hurt all of the wounds.
Mach: "he's an attention seeker." I nod at my insults.
C: "thanks for that guys." I mumble not looking up. KJ scoffs.
KJ: "don't take it heart. You know we are just joking." He says throwing his hands up. I nod.
C: "sure. I'm gonna go now. I have to get ready for my last scene." I say standing up. Lili frowns.
L: "you haven't ate your lunch." She says nodding to the food on the plate. I nod.
C: "I'm not hungry. See you guys later." I say before walking out of the room. I take a cigarette break before going to hair and makeup. I then go to costume and get my filming done. I was filming with Skeet and the serpents.
Sk: "you okay? You look a little dull?" He questions. I nod.
C: "yah I'm good. Just tired." I say shrugging. He nods.
Sk: "tell me about it. I'm so tired. Mentally and physically. I'm so glad it's Friday." I just nod, agreeing. I know what it's like to be tired, f*ck I'm exhausted, more than that even.
C: "it's near the end though, then we won't be tired." I mumble. He sighs.
SK: "at the rate this shows going? I don't think it will end anytime soon. It's good though." He says chuckling. I just shrug. The show might be here for many more years but I won't be. We get on with the scene and I could finally mess my hair up and put a hoodie on. I normally didn't dress in hoodies, because well I sleep in them, but lately they were just so much more comfortable and covered everything. I go back to my trailer and throw myself onto the couch and wait till Lili finished up. I end up falling asleep because I wake up feeling Lili shacking my shoulders. I groan.
C: "hey. That's rude. I wake you up by kissing you not by shacking you like your on a rocky boat." I groan rubbing my eyes with the sleeve on my hoodie. Lili giggles.
L: "I'm so sorry." She says sarcastically. I roll my eyes.
C: "can we go home now?" I ask her before yawning. She nods, smile at me fondly.
C: "why are you looking at me like that?" I ask her standing up. She shrugs.
L: "you just look super cute today." She says happily. I frown.
C: "I look cute everyday. It's a natural talent." I say sarcastically. She rolls her eyes.
L: "come on. Bed and Netflix is calling me. By the way, do you know where your like, off blue/grey sweatshirt went?" She asks me as we walk out of the trailer, hand in hand. I nod.
C: "Dylan took it. Why?" I ask frowning. She shacks her head.
L: "it was my favourite one. It was so cozy." She says huffing. I nod.
C: "I have a bunch of them, nicer ones than that one. This one for example." I say shrugging. She nods.
L: "yah I know but you wear the nice ones out now so I can't wear them. Why have you started wearing them out? You never did before?" She asks me curiously. I shrug.
C: "comfortable I guess." I say shrugging. That was a lie. Lili nods slowly.
C: "what? That's why." I say defending myself. She nods.
L: "mhm." She says shooting me a smile. I take a deep breathe and stay quiet most of the trip home. It's easier but worse to stay quiet if you know what I mean.
L: "I was talking to your mum earlier." She blurts out after a good 10 minutes of silence. I  nod.
L: "said you haven't called them in a while, was asking if your okay because the only other time you didn't call them everyday was when you were in a dark place. They're worried about you and frankly I am too." She says softly. I gulp. Sh*t. I frown.
C: "why? Im okay. I called them on Monday, it's Thursday. I was talking to dad yesterday." I say frowning. She shrugs.
L: "I dunno. That's something you'd need to ask her but I think your just more, like, quieter and less, jolly." She says shrugging. I shrug.
C: "I'm okay. Are you?" I ask her, changing the subject. She nods.
L: "oh I'm great. Ive never been better. You not though." She says smiling. Another reason why I can't tell her. I shrug.
C: "I'm just tired. I've been doing a bunch of nights lately as you know, I'll be fine when I get a couple days off." I say sighing. She nods.
L: "okay. Whatever you say babe." She says shrugging. I nod.
L: "Im going to see if we can get a couple days too then. Just some me and you time?"She asks. I nod.
C: "sure." I shrug. She smiles.
L: "perfect." She says tapping my knee. I just send her a tight lipped smile and look out the window, once again letting my thoughts take over. I don't even see we've got home until a feel Lili tapping my cheek.
L: "you have zoned out a lot today." She mumbles to herself. I ignore her statement and just sigh.
C: "sorry." I say cracking my neck. Lili cringes.
L: "that's weird. Should you be able to do that?" She says, a shiver going down her. I shrug.
C: "I dunno." I say honestly. She nods. Am I being dry with her? Will she sends my dryness? Will she go cold? What if I'm annoying her? What if she thinks she's not good enough because of me being cold? I could be less cold but I can't be in between so then I'd be too clingy so she wouldn't like that neither. This is a 'f*cked if you do, f*cked if you don't situation. I didn't even realise that I had walked into the apartment and into the bathroom. I frown and walk out.
C: "why did I go in there?" I ask Lili, confused as hell. She frowns.
L: "you said you were going to shower babe." She says shrugging. I nod.
C: "oh yah. Sorry." I say sighing. She just smiles and shrugs her jacks off. I take a shower, water too hot, shower stings. The usual things I'm used to now. After my unusually long shower I clean my cuts up and throw on some loose joggers and a hoodie. We don't really do much the rest of the evening, just watching a movie and eating anything we could find in the cupboards or fridge, neither of us wanted to go grocery shopping. Lili groans.
L: "I'm gonna go to the store. Too little in this house. You need anything?" She asks me. I nod.
C: "yah can you get me new razors and we need toilet paper." I say, my eyes not leaving. She nods.
L: "you literally got new razors the last shopping trip?" She asks confused. I sigh.
C: "some were broken or too blunt." I say shrugging. She nods.
L: "okay than." She says grabbing our shared card.
L: "I'll be back in a while." She says leaning over the couch and kissing my quickly. I nod.
C: "okay. Love you." I say looking back at the TV. She kisses my head.
L: "love you too." She says before leaving. That's when the panic sets in. Deep breathes. Is all I think. The tears start to fall, not that I knew. I'm thankful I'm alone but at the same time I just want a hug, a hug from my dad to be exact. Sounds pathetic, coming from a grown man. I guess I just always went to him, or my mum I suppose. After at least 45 minutes of crying, I've cried my tears dried and I knew I needed to calm down because Lili could be home soon. I probably have about 10 minutes, max. I quickly wash my face so it's all red and go outside for a cigarette so I have to blame anything on. Not even a minute later Lili comes through. I put my cigarette out and go in, wiping my nose quickly.
C: "hey. How was it?" I ask her. She smiles.
L: "hey handsome! It was good. I run into some fans. It was nice meeting them!" She says happily. I nod.
C: "that's fun." I say, faking a smile, trying my hardest to ignore the throbbing in my thighs and lower stomach. She nods.
L: "there's your razors." She subs sliding the blades to me. If only she knew. I nod.
C: "that's baby." I mumble. I go leave them in the bathroom and come back out to help her put all the groceries away. After that she cleans up and we just go to bed. I was exhausted, always am and we were both working tomorrow so that's fun. Sarcasm by the way.
Lili's POV
When we were cuddling in bed, I put my arm around Cole's waist and he winced. When I questioned it he just said he was positioned the wrong way, which I knew was a lie. I need to get him to tell me. I sigh.
L: "no you aren't. You would have moved before now." I say sitting up. He shrugs.
C: "just one of them shooting pains. Can I flip the light off?" He asks me. I shack my head.
L: "no, lift your shirt." I say seriously. I see fear practically rush across his face.
C: "no. Why would I?" He says turning the lamp off anyway and laying down, his back to me. I groan.
L: "stop being an a*shole and turn around and lift your shirt." I say sternly. He sighs.
C: "I'll turn around I'm just not lifting my shirt." He says turning around. I sigh.
L: "I know Cole. It's been obvious for a while, I just didn't see it." I say softly, my throat already feeling tight. He frowns.
C: "what the hell are you going on about?" He asks me. I sigh.
L: "please just take your shirt off Cole." I whisper. He groans and pulls his jumper off. I look down his chest and it was blank but his sweats pants were pulled up high, higher than they should have been. I sigh and quickly pull them down a little more before he could pull away from me. He quickly moves back from me and to the other end of the bed but I had already seen. The red lines, the raw ones, the scares. He had his face buried in his hands and he had practically curled into himself. I take in a shaky breath and gulp. Sh*t.
L: "baby." I whisper. He shacks his head.
L: "can I come sit beside you?" I ask him softly. He shacks his head.
C: "no. Go away." He mumbles out. I could hear he was crying. I sigh.
L: "baby please." I whisper, my heart breaking.
C: "go away." He says sternly. I hear him sniff and he buries his head in his knees, covering his head with his hands. I sigh and but my lip. I go over to the bathroom and lock the door, making sure there was nothing he could harm himself with in our room before leaving.
L: "I'll be outside the door baby. Let me know when I can come back in, drop me a text if you want me to sleep in the spare room. I love you." I say softly before closing the door. I sit outside the door, biting my nails anxiously. How did this happen? How didn't I see it got this bad? How long had he been doing it? How many times? All these questions spun through my head. That explains the use of the razors so quickly. After about 45 minutes of nothing I text him.
L: 'do you want me to sleep in the spare room tonight love?' Really automatically he texts back.
C: 'no.'
L: 'okay, can I come in or do you want some more time?'
C: 'can you come back in please? I don't really wanna talk though.' I could sense the sadness through the text.
L: 'of course. I'm just going to grab a drink for you and then I'll be in okay?' I stand up. He just sends me a thumbs up. I nod and pocket my phone. I fill him a bottle of water before,taking a deep breathe and going in quietly. He was lying on his side, his back to me. I smile softly but also sadly. I gently set my stuff down on my bedside table and crawl back into bed. I could tell he was crying, his pillow was weak. I sigh.
L: "if you flip your pillow around it will feel nicer instead of a white one babe." I say softly. He nods and flips his pillow. I bite my lip nervously before moving closer to him. I rest my chin on his shoulder.
L: "I know you don't wanna talk about it, I understand that but I was you to know, you don't need to hide it or yourself from me. It's okay. Your not but it is. We'll get you help. It can be done but first I need you to know, I love you, even with all this okay? You know I've done the same, I'm not going to judge and whoever you tell will know. It that be everyone or just your family. That's up to you but I love you and I don't want you to hide from me. I will have to clean them though. If you haven't already." I say softly. He nods.
C: "I did." I whisper. I nod.
L: "okay. You feel okay? Like you don't feel sick or anything?" I ask him. He shacks his head. I sigh.
L: "okay. I brought you some water." I say reaching for the water bottle. He nods and turns to sit up a little. He gulps down about half of the bottle. I giggle
L: "you were thirsty." I shack brushing his curls form his forehead. He nods and turns right around, burning himself in me. He hides his face in my neck and wraps his arms around me. Clinging to me like a koala. I sigh in relief and wrap my arms around him. One of his lower back and the other in his hair.
C: "I'm sorry." He whisper sadly. I kiss his head.
L: "don't be." I whisper. I feel his body relax more and more in my arms.
C: "I love you." He whisper, sleep taking over him. I smile.
L: "I love you too. We'll get you help. You'll be okay." I whisper before closing my eyes and letting sleep take over me also.