I'm sorry I've fucked up again
That's all I ever do
If I died tonight
I bet that's all you'd remember about me;
"She always forgot to feed the cat," "she could never keep her room clean," "she cried over nothing," "she was too shy to ask for anything, so someone else always had to," "she wouldn't rinse out her dishes or close kitchen drawers," "she always waited until last minute," "she'd never admit she was wrong," "she never tried hard enough, never cared," "she was always fucking up something."
And I know you'd be better off without me,
So would anyone.
I know.
And you probably hate me, but that's okay,
So does everyone.
I do, too.
I promise you I'm trying my hardest
But I'm never trying hard enough.
Because I 'just don't care' about
My extreme forgetfulness,
(Feeding the cat
Taking the dog outside
Schoolwork
People
Rules)
Or my hygiene
(Showering
Changing clothes
Brushing my teeth
Eating right
(Why are these so hard?))
Or my things
(The dog pees on the floor
And anything on it
Which is usually dirty clothes from my forgetfulness
Or some books
God forbid it was something of yours.
He also chews up anything I like,
But you really don't care,
Because it was my fault for leaving it on the table
Even though nowhere in my room is safe)
Or disappointing everyone.
And if I don't care about that,
I certainly don't care about
Being told that I'm irresponsible
And lazy
And have no common sense
And I'm dumb
And you're tired of me crying
And everything I here is,
You fucked up, again.And god, I'm sorry
I really am
That nothing I do is right
And that I forget everything
And that I can't take care of myself
Much less my poor starving hermit crab
And that I never try hard enough
And that I'm bad about procrastination
And I waste time and water and air and space and everything else
Because that could be useful
To someone who does something right
And I swear to god I try
I don't know why it's working
I try to eat right and shower
I try to keep my room clean
I try to remember everything I have to do
I try to do productive things
I try to be nice
I try to act normal in social situations
I try not to get mad even if you do
I try not to ask for help ever ever ever
I try not to be sad
I try to be the strong one
I try to cry less
I try to pretend I'm okay
I try to pretend it doesn't hurt
I try not to blame you
I try to remember I'm the one hurting myself.
But no matter how far I pull myself
Or how long I spend cleaning
How many things I remember
I know I've fucked up somewhere
Because I always do.
YOU ARE READING
When Joka Doesn't Sleep
RandomSo on a whim during a lack of sleep I did a thing. The thing was random. The thing was awesome. Warning: Cursing, slight pervy-ness, Hetalia, RANDOMNESS and spoilers. PROCEED WITH CAUTION DEARIES. And Kuro you don't even wanna look.