To Indeed Be a God

O Captain, my Captain!

TW: mentions of suicide. you probs know what happens.

Claire cleaned her face, hung her dress up, and changed into her pajamas (light blue with dancing pigs printed on them).

It took her a long time to fall asleep.

It wasn't long before someone was shaking her awake.

"Claire? Claire,"

Claire, still half asleep, tried to shrug him off.

Someone shook her more, "Claire,"

She recognized the voice and rolled over, "Oh, Charlie,"

Claire opened her eyes and saw Charlie's face, streaked with tears.

She sat up, "What is it?"

Claire looked over to see Pitts, Meeks, and Knox by the door.

"Neil's dead,"

Claire pushed her hair out of her face, the words striking her heart and making her stomach drop, "What?"

"He's dead. Neil killed himself,"

She jumped out of bed, tears making their way down her face, "You're lying. N-no, you're lying,"

Meeks gulped, wiping tears away, "Why would he lie?"

Claire stood and looked around, "Where's Todd?"

"We haven't woken him, yet," Charlie said.

Claire pulled her shoes on, pushing past the boys in the doorway and opening the door to Todd's room.

She ran in and shook Todd, "Todd, Todd, wake up?"

Todd shrugged her off, opening his eyes slightly, "What?"

"Neil's dead,"

It was a snowy, overcast morning. Todd walked through the snow. He had his coat on over his pajamas. The others followed closely behind him as he walked down towards the water. He stopped and stared out at the snow-covered surroundings.

"It's so beautiful," he said, before beginning to gag.

He fell on his knees, vomiting into the snow.

Claire ran forward, brushing his hair from his forehead, "Todd. It's okay, Todd. Calm down,"

Charlie grabbed a handful of snow and wiped Todd's mouth with it.

"He wouldn't-- He wouldn't have done it," Todd cried.

Meeks shrugged, "You can't explain it, Todd,"

"It was his father!"

"No!" Charlie protested.

"He wouldn't have left us. It's because he- he wouldn't have. His dad was- his, his father did it,"

"Todd," Claire said.

"His father killed him. He made him do it,"

"You can't explain it, Todd," Meeks replied.

Todd pushed himself away from them and stumbled down the hill, slipping and falling in the snow.

"Todd!" Claire shouted.

"Leave him be," Charlie said, wrapping his arm around her.

They watched as Todd ran down toward the dock by the river, yelling and crying. He finally seemed to regain control of himself and walked in silence out onto the dock.

The remaining Dead Poets returned inside. Claire went to the payphone, sobbing miserably as she dialed her home phone number.

"Hello?" Her sister answered.