Happily Ever After Comes At A Price

Chapter 39: Care

Zahar's POV:

   "...So you tell me if you are the man I think you are, or was this all a lie too..."

   Her words ring in my ears and leave a deep gash in my chest. Liar... Is that how she sees me now. After everything I told her, everything I did for her, she still doesn't trust me. I don't know what hurts me more, the way that boy took everything from her and left her hurting, or the way she doesn't believe that every moment we passed together was nothing but genuine emotions. She doesn't trust herself... not enough to put faith in me...

   The rage that my father blazing through me resurfaces. Not at her, but at the boy. How dare he? My body ripples in wrath. He's the reason behind all the tears Selina shed, he's the reason she still whimpers in nightmares and I can't comfort her. A small part in the back of my head flares up knowing she wasn't this broken when she was with him, that at one time, he was the reason behind her smiles too. The fire flares up higher... Jealousy? Am I jealous of him? I glance at the seething Selina's seething form glaring at me. The thought of another guy's hands on her seems unfathomable to me. I knew what I was getting myself into when I married her. I knew sht would unveil. But I never expected to feel this way, this possessiveness that I never felt before... God, yes... I was...

   But there's a nagging thought that forces it's way out of me, "Did you love him?"

   Selina falters visibly. The pain in me sharpens. Please... Please... An unknown feeling crashes all over me. Please...

   She overcomes in the stunned silence, a look of determination masks every other emotions that battle inside her. "No." She admitted, steeling into her ground, "What we had wasn't love..." Even through the resolve, I can hear her hurting. Her words comfort me, her words crush me. 

   I look in awe at the woman in front of me. I may not have known her for long, but in this short while, I've learned to understand her better than I've ever understood anyone else. She's the tempest that upturned my entire life, and had me second guessing everything. She's the reason I smile more, she's the reason my demons came out today. She's everything I never knew I wanted before our paths collided together. But she doesn't know that and she doesn't trust me...

   She wants stories? Fine...

   "You wanna know why I hate him?" I spit out, walking past her and lying down on the bed, exhausted. "This was a long time coming. I promised I wouldn't snap, that he wasn't worth it. But when he..." The fury starts to bubble up again, and I force myself to breathe in heavily. If I lose it, I'll end up hurting her. I can't afford that. "When he talked all that shit to you, I couldn't take it anymore. I lost it. And my only regret is that you had to see me like that."

   "If you didn't pull me off I would've killed him. He calls himself a father?" I hiss. "Every time the walking cheap vodka bottle saw me, he used to beat the shit out of me. He robbed me of a childhood, he left me in the streets to fend for myself. And when he needed money, he didn't even hesitate to sign me up for the as the messenger boy for petty criminals. I learned to stay away from that filth. Sure, I stayed hungry for days, but it was the way I grew up. I was his personal punchbag until I learned to fight back... I learned to turn away..."

   "But he kept tabs on me. Years later, when he realized that I was finally going places, he came at my door, proudly boasting of the man I turned out to be. He told be he was teaching me to be a strong man all these year." I mimic in my father's voice with a menacing laughter, a foreign sound that I hadn't let out in months. Selina notices it too, and winces at the sound. Immediately, guilt overcomes me. She's silent as I was during her reiteration. The gentleness she showed me is long gone. We're both raw, vulnerable and hurting.

   "When the inheritance showed up, it was like a way to severe ties forever. I offered him the money, and insured my freedom. He's the only person that makes my blood boil, Selina. And wh-when he said all those things to hurt you, I lost it. He knew what would tick and he played his cards just right. All I could think of that you could hurt you, and I would never be able to live with it if he did." I admit everything all out, and my words hang in the air- her absorbing them carefully. Exhaling out a deep sigh, I flip around and bury myself in the comfort of the pillow. Her faint scent was flowing through the room. It was intoxicating, soothing and maddening all at the same time.

   I wonder how everything changed tonight. The way she stood by me, the way it drove me crazy seeing my father taunt her, the way we're both here, unsure of what lies ahead. We may have been friends before, but now something changed... At least for me.

   I can't look at her, afraid I'll see none of my raging conflict being reflected in her. But I hear her breathing heavily now. I need to know what's on her mind, yet I can't bring myself to move.

   "Why?" Selina croaks out in a broken voice.

   My head instantly snaps back to meet her eyes. Her focus is hazy, as if she's halfway lost in her own world. The urge to touch her and comfort her is overwhelming. I resist. "Why what?" I whisper to her cautiously.

   "Why do you care?" She whispers before locking eyes with me, voice barely audible as silent tears rolls down her soft skin.

   How can she not know? How can she not understand?

   I sit up straight and move closer to her. Consequences be damned... I reach out and brush a stray tear with the pad of my thumb. Leaning in, I place my forehead on hers. Our breaths mingle before hers hitch in her throat. Her clear hazel eyes widen, sharp with alert, but not in fear, in anticipation.

   Here goes nothing...

   "The last few weeks of my life have been the best yet Selina. And it's all because of you. This house never felt like a home before, it's all because of you. You're the reason I look forward to coming home everyday. You're so brave, so strong. How could I not care? You were broken and you picked yourself up. Every morning you drag yourself up, when you could've easily drowned in guilt and hatred. You're stubborn, you're crazy, you're amazing and you're driving me crazy. I've never cared about anybody else this much in my entire. I want to stand by you when you need me, I want to stand behind you when you conquer the world, I want to stand in front of you can protect. You give me hope, you remind me what a gift life is. You teach me that it's always best to deal with the shit hand life dealt us. You make me feel like it's worth living, like there can be more in my life than just duties and obligations." I'm out of breath, wheezing slightly. She's staring at me in stunned silence. With a last push, I shove the remaining words out. 

   "I've never wanted anything else more in my life, I've never needed someone else this desperately. You made me question every happiness I've ever felt, because they were nothing compared to what I feel when you laugh at my words. I'd sell my soul if it meant you could see yourself the way I see you. Fate brought you to me, brought us together. And watching you try and piece yourself together changed me forever. I had no control over falling in love with you Selina. But I did, and it's the best thing that's ever happened to me... How could I not care about you?"