Pulse {L.H}

Wonderland.

Reyna's POV

I currently had my face shoved into a pillow with music blaring as loud as it could from my speakers. Yet even with the blatant sound the thoughts wouldn't leave my head.

Why am I ugly?

Why am I awkward?

Why can I never be good enough?

Having Luke turn around so suddenly on me has encouraged every insecurity back toward myself. Every doubt of my existence I've ever had revisits me on a hourly basis. I wasn't necessarily devastated over the Luke thing, but it was one of the many factors that woke me up.

My parents haven't let up on their continuous hatred for each other. After what seemed to be hours of yelling last night, my dad walked out the door. This usually happens, but now he hasn't returned. No matter how much my parents neglect the fact that I'm their only child, I still want them there.

I had spent most of the night sitting in my closet like most of my child hood. This time, though, I had Calum. I called him and after a few minutes of him letting me get out my sobs of frustration and defeat, I spilled what was going on. The torture of my parents' arguments and.....Luke. Calum began to get angry when I revisited what went down with him. Calum promised he would never leave me like that.

I didn't believe him.

I'm not going to believe anyone anymore. I'm obviously not deserving of even a good friend. I also wished for my day dreams about this blonde punk to cease, but they never did.

I was constantly day dreaming.

When my mom was still included in my life, she would call my little zone out place wonderland. I know it's so original, but I find myself there more and more. Trapped in somewhere that is so much better than reality. I imagine it to be a place where everything went perfectly. But that can't be. And that's why they call it wonderland instead of reality.

I eventually shut my music off and buried myself deep in the comfort of my bed. There was no yelling tonight. While a deafening silence consumed my house, I realized I was alone.

_

As soon as I walked through the front doors of the school, Calum appeared at me side. He didn't say anything about the situation, but his dark eyes were full of I-told-you-so's. He started talking about some video game he just got. Any other day I would've been totally into the conversation, but right now, I kept my head down.

I knew he was there.

I could feel his serene blue eyes staring at me. I wanted to walk up and ask what the hell is his problem? He pushes me away yet here he is, taking over my thoughts. Making me hate myself even more for not being good enough.

Unfortunately, my locker was close to where Luke was standing. Only a few metal doors away from the life ruiner. And to make matters worse, Rayley flounced over to him. Her obviously bleached hair was curled perfectly and make up was smothered on, like usual. She let out this high pitched giggle that made me want to slam my head in my locker. I tried my best to ignore them and nodded along to whatever Calum was saying.

Out of the corner of my eye, I watched as Rayley traced her finger down Luke's chest while fluttering her eye lashes. The punk's hands remained stuffed in his jeans but a smirk crept across his lips. Then, his blue eyes flicked up to me.

He was seeing if I was fucking watching.

I slammed my locker making Calum jump from where he was besides me.

"Sorry." I mumbled about to walk away. Instead, the dark boy lightly grabbed my wrist, tugging me back in front of him. I looked up to see his brown eyes lacking the usual arrogance they held. Sadly, Luke and bitch face stood behind him so I had the misfortune of watching the ongoing interaction. Luke had stopped paying attention to Rayley and was focusing on what Calum was saying to me. I made it a point by avoiding eye contact with the blonde.