Flying Solo

Chapter 9 - Cauliflower

**CW: DEGRADING, JUDGEMENTAL OPINIONS**

11th March 2014 - 27 Weeks

Jordan is exhausted. Physically and mentally. Drained. 

Physically tired from her growing bump and the inability to sleep due to her baby deciding to be an olympic gymnast whilst she tries to sleep. 

There are also the 25 trips a night to the bathroom to empty an already empty bladder that her baby decides to use as a trampoline.

Typically a 27 week baby bump looks cute in anything but this week no matter what Jordan has done, she felt like an elephant. Her boobs were huge, she assumed her milk was starting to come in. Her feet and ankles were swollen and the only shoes she could wear comfortably were sliders.

Her pregnancy glow, Jordan felt had disappeared and was somewhere stamped out under a pile of insecurities to never be found again.

The week had been more mentally draining on Jordan. 

From snide comments from customers that pretty much meant she was telling Susie to calm down and drop it to dirty looks from people who saw when she was shopping for baby clothes. 

‘Disgusting’

‘I bet she doesn't know who the dad is’

‘Not even married’

‘Shameful’

‘Slut’

‘Kids having kids, I bet she's an addict.’

People had not been kind to Jordan at all this week and she felt like the whole world had been against her. 

This was one of those weeks for her where she was starting to think that none of this was worth it. She could love this baby with her entire being but it wouldn’t be enough to weigh out all the negative responses.

Jordan had had enough and the last comment that broke her was from Ryan, saying she got pregnant on purpose to trick him into a relationship.

She blocked his number after their last interaction but that hasn't stopped him from contacting her through social media.

She hardly posts anyway but she had recently posted a bump photo. A bump photo that she felt truly happy and beautiful in but now that was tainted with his comment.

All this had led to Jordan taking the day off work to hide in her room and feel sorry for herself. A day which her parents were supportive of her doing. Even Susie had said it was okay to do that and had Mason drop off a double choc chip muffin and a chocolate milkshake.

Mason even gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek to cheer her up. 

Sometime around 11am, Jacob and Noah had bounded into her room to drag her out of her bed. Jacob scooped her up whilst Noah grabbed her pillows off of her bed and they carried her into the living room. 

“Movie Marathon with us. Choices are Fast and Furious or Harry Potter. Your choice.” Jacob beame at her.

“Is that even a question?” She retorted, raising her eyebrow at her brother.

“Harry Potter it is then.”

All 3 of them got comfortable on the sofa with Jordan sitting in between the boys. It was almost as if she was being guarded. The thought caused the first genuine smile all week to break onto Jordan's face.

She was rudely awoken by the sound of a phone alarm which took a few minutes to recognise but it was her own phone. She had a late afternoon appointment with her midwife.

Jordan shifted from the awkward angle she was laid on, only to flush red with embarrassment when she realised she had fallen asleep with her head cuddled into Noah's chest. 

Apparently Jacob was okay with this. It did confuse her when she heard the sound of roaring engines on tv and felt a hand playing with her hair.

“We decided to watch these as you fell asleep 30 minutes into the first film.” Noah told me. 

“We’re on the third film now,” Jacob chuckled to himself whilst grabbing his drink from the coffee table at the side of him.

“Oh, okay. Erm,” Jordan coughed to clear her throat, her voice was thick with sleep, “I gotta go anyways, see you later maybe.”

Making her way to doctors was daunting for Jordan today. Her senses were heightened for some reason and she felt like she was being watched. Being judged. Being ridiculed. 

None of it was true and Jordan was fully aware that it was all in her head but none of that was convincing enough to make the thoughts stop. 

Her appointment was virtually identical to the last one she attended. Measure the bump. Listen to the heart. Talk about hospital options. Take the blood pressure. 

The only difference this time was that Jordan had a full conversation with Emma about feeling exhausted and tired all the time whether she was active or not. Emma suggested to check her iron levels so that required an extra blood test and the results would be back within 48 hours.

Walking home in the early evening was something Jordan always loved to do. She enjoyed strolls through the small woods near her house. It was a way for her to clear her mind and allow herself to truly feel everything she needed to feel. 

She found it during her high school days when she needed an escape and she wanted somewhere to hide when things got too much.

Today was one of those days but she was able to handle her overwhelming emotions a lot better than she used to be able to and a lot of that was just being older now.

Jordan was home pretty quickly after sitting and thinking about things for a while. She had managed to sort her thoughts out and create a list on her phone of things that needed to be done over the next few weeks. 

Her baby was the size of a cauliflower now and that thought had Jordan staring at the vegetable longer than deemed necessary when she was in the shops. 

To a complete stranger she most likely looked slightly unstable but in reality she was trying to figure out how something that size fits into her body and how it causes a bump that big.

Her growth chart was suggesting that Jordan was most likely going to have a very large baby. That was terrifying for her despite being reassured that it was unlikely, she was mentally preparing herself for it so anything less wouldn’t be as daunting when the time came.

When looking at the list set out before her of what was left to be done, Jordan was surprised at how little there was. There were only 4 or 5 things to do but most of them were pretty small jobs. 

Jordan still had a house to find but that was a work in progress, she was still looking daily and was having viewings most days that she wasn't in work. Even her friends had been helping her look for places to stay. 

However, upon arriving home she had a sudden urge to pack her baby's hospital bag, organise her everyday change bag and make a start on her own hospital bag. 

So that's exactly what she spent the night doing.

3 outfits, 2 spares, 3 vests, 2 spares, 3 hats, blankets, bibs, nappies, socks, wipes, talcum powder, a towel in case she bathes her baby at the hospital. Everything she needed plus extras. Extra coats, extra blankets, extra nappies, extra wipes.

She had one very full bag for her baby when she was finished and it had taken her so long that it was very late into the night.

Deciding that doing that one job was enough for the day she was quick to change into her comfiest pyjamas and climb into bed in order to try and get some sleep.

Jordan was hoping some rest would make her feel well enough to go back to work tomorrow but from the kicking that began as soon as she laid down, she knew sleep was probably going to be a little on the difficult side once again.

She whispered an ‘I love you’ to her bump and drifted off into a light sleep.

13 weeks to go.