Someone To Lose//Merder

The Waiting Game

Derek POV

8 hours, that's how long it has been since those elevator doors closed my view of my girlfriend being wheeled off into emergency exploratory surgery. 8 damn hours that I have been trying to fill in an attempt to distract myself from the bad thoughts running through my head.

I cant help but think this is all my fault if I had come clean with Meredith about addison she wouldn't have run, if I followed her, made sure she didn't leave she'd be safe in my arms. Shed still be pregnant. We'd be having a baby, sure it was early in our relationship don't get me wrong, but there is no doubt in my mind that this girl is the love of my life, and I didn't even get to tell her that. If she doesn't make it out of this I would have lost the most important thing in my life.

Last update that I received was that she has coded once again, but they found the bleeders and have a plan of action. I can only pray that she wasn't down long enough to cause brain damage. Dr Nelson told me she has no big brain issues just a moderate concussion. and Arizona has reported to me that she did in fact have a misscarriage, the miscarriage was complete though so there was no need for a D&C.

I sit down on the hard vinyl chairs of the dull waiting room. Mark has gone to collect my mother from Sea-Tac airport, her flight coming in within the next hour. I think he noticed that I needed some time to myself to process the events. I would've went with Mark to pick up my mom, but I darent leave the hospital. things could change for Meredith any second and I need to be their until she is stable. And I have important matters to attend to, matters that should've been sorted a year ago. 

If addison isn't going to comply its now time for me to take it to the next level, I thought if I tried for long enough she'd crack and just sign the damn papers but she hasn't instead she drove Meredith out of the comfort of my arms and this is what happened. If Meredith wasn't in the pictured id find going to court tedious but when it comes to mers safety nothing is too tedious. I will go through every amount of court dates, papers, and lawyers to assure that Meredith is safe and happy and I see a lot of that in the close future for us, not just for my divorce but also after what happened tonight.

I don't even notice that I have fallen asleep until fifthteen minuets later when I hear bailey whispering my name. I sit upright prepared for what she has to say. She has her cap of that mustmean the surgery is over. That should relieve me however the expression on her face I recognise as the one us surgeons use when we have bad news to tell the patients.

"Oh God, shes dead isn't she?" Sobbs begin to rack my body for what seems like the hundredth time tonight.

"Derek..." Bailey replies in her sympathetic tone, the one that her coworkers barely get to hear.

"You have to tell me I wont believe it until you say it" Tears are now flowing freely down my face and I'm staring at one specific spot on the floor, I don't care that people are staring in my direction, all I care is about the news I'm about that to receive.

"Derek, she's not dead, shes now been moved to ICU and being closely monitored" I look up from the floor and into baileys eyes.

"Then what is it, there's something, there has to be you have that look on you face. The look we use when we have bad news"

Bailey takes a seat beside me and grabs my head to comfort me, Oh god it must be bad.

"Derek, Meredith coded three times in surgery not to mention the times she coded before that. In total she was down for 45 minutes. As a neurosurgeon you know this could mean a multitude of things. Meredith is in a medically induced coma to give her brain the time it needs to heal. In Twenty-Four hours we will be reducing her sedation and seeing how she reacts. There are three main ways this could work out; and I know you're a neurosurgeon but as you said yourself you need to hear it to believe it; She could be perfectly fine apart from the concussion she already has from the assault, She could have any extent of brain damage, or thee one I know you don't want to hear she could be -"

"She could be brain dead" i cut her off before she times to finish what shes saying. "Oh God" My sobs get louder at this point I have no control over myself. Bailey pulls me into her embrace as I sob into her shoulder.

"Derek she'll get through this shes our Meredith, shes stronger than anyone I've ever met." I pull myself from her embrace and wipe my tear stained face clean. "Thanks for that bailey"

"Your welcome now how about we get you cleaned up eaten hydrated and we can go visit her room"

"I'd like that thanks bailey" I flash her a slight smile to show my appreciation as she leads the way out of the waiting room.

"Lets go, and you can call me miranda."

"Thanks miranda"

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Sorry That took a while, I had writers block hopefully now though the updates will be more frequent let me know what else you want to see.

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