Trying To Survive

The Voices

~ Chapter 7 ~

Nothing can be more boring than this group therapy.

No joke. We just all sit in a circle talking about our problems and how we can help 'get better'.

I feel weird being in this group. I don't know. It's just, a lot of these problems are so far worse than mine. Like being raped or sexual harassed by a parent or watch someone murder your loved ones.

This is really deep things that people actually need help with.

"Hi my name is Scarlett and my Mom's an alcoholic and my dad was killed. I suffer from depression and anorexia." I don't actually say this out loud though.

It just doesn't sound as bad as other teenagers go through.

I kind of zoned out on the fourth person. I don't like how you have to share your story. The last thing I want people to know is that I'm afraid of food and mirrors.

I mean there is a lot and I mean a lot, but I just don't want people to judge me.

"Scarlett, how about you share with us what you deal with." Everything about that sentence pisses me off.

Like I really wanna tell people what I 'deal with'.

"Uhh.. No thank you, I just want to listen today." She can't necessarily make me talk? Can she?

"The whole point of group therapy is to share. Come one, we won't judge you." I snort at that. On accident.

Come on. People always judge others. Whether it's good or bad you still get judged.

People make assumptions from the music you listen to, the clothes you wear and the words you say. It doesn't even matter if you said nothing to that person. Just one look and BAM!

Judged. Labeled. For the rest of your life.

"I don't know what to share." I purse my lips at the woman's peskiness.

"Just one thing you battle with everyday." She gives me a reassuring smile.

"Eating." People's head poke up and their eyes on me.

"You battle with eating."

"Yes. I don't want to eat." My heart starts to beat faster with all these stares on me.

"Why don't you want to eat?" A guys voice comes across from me.

What happened to curiosity killed the cat?

"I wouldn't be beautiful." I focus my eyes on the tiled floor. I wish I was invisible.

"That's crazy. You are like a twig." I can here the whispers every which way.

"Calm down now, it's Scarlett's turn to speak." The lady interrupts the whispers.

"How do you think you got this way?" What kind of question is that? I picked it up on the way to the corner store. No, eating disorders aren't like colds or the flu. It sticks with you. Forever.

"People told me. Friends." I murmur to myself. I'm done talking about this.

In my mind, there is a constant voice, if you will, that tells me when to eat or if to eat. Most of the time, the voice picks at my reflection and tells me I'm not skinny enough.

"Do you really think a true friend would make fun of you?" The woman asks.

"It wasn't making fun of me, only stating the obvious. Only trying to help." I got defense for a second but sit back in my seat again.