Him - Monsta X Short Story

seven.

"Kihyun!" Minhyuk yelled. I jumped awake, sweating profusely. "Are you okay? You were crying and screaming."

I rubbed my eyes, paying attention to the tears I had on my cheeks. "Yeah, I-I'm fine," I mumbled. "Uhm... what's today?" I asked, wiping my face.

Minhyuk looked at his phone. "Sunday, August 3rd. Why?" I needed a break, that's why.

"Can you take the boys to do something today? I would say just Benji, but I don't wanna be alone with Jooheon yet. He's been good. It's been a couple weeks, but I'm scared." I don't know why I was scared but I couldn't face the kid yet.

As I got up to look in the mirror, I couldn't even recognize myself. "I'll go get them ready," Minhyuk smiled. He gave me a kiss on the cheek and I laughed.

"Goofy ass," I sighed softly. As Minhyuk got up and walked out of the room, I started to lose it.

What's going on with me and Minhyuk? And by an extension, Minhyuk and Liz? Well, they're not together anymore but she's expecting a baby girl soon. I don't know why they're not together, that's something he never shared with me. But me and him? We're not together but we're very affectionate with each other. One drunk night, I cried to him about how much I thrive on a loving touch and I sent myself into a panic and he just knew how to fix it. But we can't do this for real. That's disrespectful on so many levels. Hope that clears it up.

A knock on the door, followed by its opening broke me out of my thoughts. "We're leaving soon," Jooheon said softly. "Do you want us to bring you back anything? Min said you weren't feeling well."

I shook my head, "No, kiddo, I'm fine. Thank you. Love you?" I had a question on my voice to make sure it was okay to say.

"Love you too," He smiled, heading out.

Once I heard the door shut, I lost my shit. Crying, screaming, the works. A rush of grief and stress just came over me. "God, I miss you, Hyungwon. You knew how to handle shit. You didn't do it well but you handled it." I wiped my eyes, looking in the mirror again. "What I wouldn't give to have you again. To feel you, to hear you, to see you and touch you. We could've worked anything out baby, you know that!"

I was remembering the last words I'd ever said to him. "Do you want your son? Do you want him to grow up and ask me, 'Ki? Why didn't Daddy want me? Is it because I'm broken?' That's what I asked my mother. Then she told me lies about my father and I never knew he even lived until she died. Do you want that? Or do you plan on dying before he even has a chance to think you don't want him?" And then when he gave up and told me I was the better parent... "Father. You could have the decency to address my titles correctly. My gender isn't ambiguous, I don't need a neutral phrase." Fast forward to when he died. "I know you love me. I know you care. Y-You always take it out on yourself when you hurt me. I-I can take it. Baby, wake up. Come on!"

I found myself screaming out loud. "Come on! Hyungwon, come the fuck on! Come back to me baby please..." I pounded my fist on the dresser three times before I shoved it into the mirror. "Fuck!" I whimpered, leaning on the dresser.

"Why'd you hurt me, Kihyun?" I heard, knowing I was going crazy. "Why'd you hurt me so much that you killed me? You took my son, you took my heart. You took my everything." Fuck, please no. I don't need this. I don't wanna hear him. "My everything, Kihyun!"

I went to the bathroom, feeling the room close in on me. Why was I feeling like this? I have never had a breakdown this bad over Hyungwon. "Stop... please. I'm sorry." I mumbled, trying to get a breath in.

"Seven passes. The number of completion." Hyungwon's voice was reading his letter to me out loud. "My world has never been darker than when I lost your love, care, and respect. You gave me a purpose for another number of months. You gave me life. You gave me... who I thought was me. Who you thought was me. I don't even know who I am anymore. I know who you are. You are the perfect man. Maybe not matched with your body yet. But you are the perfect gentleman and the man I aspired to be."