Him - Monsta X Short Story

eight.

"A-Are you sure he didn't take a whole bunch of sleeping pills?" I asked. "Or that the sedative didn't fuck with something he already took?" Kihyun had been asleep for almost 18 hours at this point and my anxiety was revving up.

Minhyuk held my hand. "He's okay, Joo. He's just really exhausted." I nodded a bit, trying to be okay with this. "I have been sleeping in his room with him for over a month and he doesn't sleep. He acts like he does. But I hear him scream himself awake every night at least 45 minutes after he drifts off."

I scoffed slightly. "Exactly like Hyungwon," I sighed, feeling awful. Hyungwon was terrified when he tried to sleep, thinking about Wonho. I could only assume Kihyun was just as terrified when thinking about me.

"He really needs this rest." We glanced over to look at how peaceful Kihyun looked. "At 72 hours without sleep, paranoia starts. So I can't even imagine what it's like being without sleep for way longer than 72 hours at a time. He was literally going crazy." That pattern had been going on for over a month now? I felt worse and worse about how I acted for them.

Kihyun mumbled softly in his sleep. "I love you," he laughed a bit. "But I love them more." Minhyuk pouted softly, knowing he was talking about us. "Minhyuk is my rock, Benji and Jooheon are my boys. I can't hurt them."

I smiled softly. "Speaking of which," I glanced at Minhyuk, who had been staring at Kihyun. "Heard you drop the L word on him earlier." That caught Minhyuk's attention.

"And?" He asked. "I love you. I love Benji. I love him." Minhyuk shrugged like his love wasn't ambiguous.

I shook my head. "When are you going to tell him you actually love him, Min?" I asked softly.

Minhyuk shrugged. "Never?" I sat dumbfounded. "I couldn't do that to Hyungwon... I did so much shit to him in life, I can't forsake him in death." That was understandable. Minhyuk stood up to stand next to Kihyun. "But I also can't do that to Kihyun. He just had a breakdown because he missed Hyungwon and deep down inside him, he still has love for him. He feels guilty, like he was cruel. I couldn't possibly tell him I love him when it's a struggle for him to get part Hyungwon. And out of respect for Hyungwon, we can't date. Life goes on, but some lines you don't cross." I nodded a bit.

"Remember when Kihyun found out about Wonho and Akira?" I asked, looking at Kihyun again.

Minhyuk smiled, "Yeah..." He laughed a little. "That'd be exactly the same between us. Benji would have to call his Uncle his parent." Minhyuk ran his hand through Kihyun's hair. "I'm gonna be a dad, I have to co-parent with Elizabeth, it would just be too hard on everyone. I can love him from afar. And platonically. For all the shit I've done to him, I can do my best to make the bad days go away. I can do my best to give him a place to breakdown when he's tired of being strong for you and Benji. Because Lord knows it gets heavy on him." Minhyuk's never spoken like that about anyone, ever. I could understand and respect his decision, but it hurt to see him pining for Kihyun, knowing he couldn't ever have him.

He sat back down and we waited for another two hours for Kihyun to wake up. "Min, can you just get a doctor, please? I don't like that he's slept so long." Minhyuk nodded, knowing it'd make me feel better.

When they came back, Minhyuk was also worried. "Twenty hours of sleep is a lot," his doctor said. "But he's still stable. I can lighten the sedation and see if he'll wake up after that. His sleep deprivation psychosis was severe, so I don't want to wake him up until he's ready to wake up." That was easy to understand. I was just glad he wasn't dying on us and we hadn't noticed.

"Is he gonna be hungry when he wakes up?" Minhyuk asked. "From the hour it took for us to drop off his son and come back home, I know he didn't eat. The half hour it took for medics to check him out and get him here. I just know he's getting close to having not earn for at least 24 hours, I don't know if he ate the day before or not either."

The doctor finished lowering his sedation. "He could be, we can bring him some soup when you let us know he woke up." We thanked the doctor and just played the waiting game.

Another 45 minutes passed and Kihyun started to stir. "Mmm," he whimpered, turning on his side. "Min? Benji? Jooheon?" He asked, still not opening his eyes but just calling out for us.

"Right here, Ki," Minhyuk smiled, holding his hand. "Me and Joo are here. Wonho and Jae have been taking good care of your boy." Kihyun nodded, taking a deep breath, now that he could relax about where everyone is.

I got up to be with both of them, watching their dynamic. "Hey, Joo," Kihyun smiled softly. He reached for my hand. I took his hand, rubbing it softly. "How you doing?"

I shook my head. "Don't worry about me," I smiled, a tear coming to my eyes. "How are you?" I asked, honestly more concerned about him.

"I love you," he smiled. "I'm okay. Thank you guys for earlier. I couldn't get him out of my head. Thank you." Kihyun yawned, wanting to go back to sleep.

A nurse came in with a small bowl of soup. "Hey, before you sleep, can you eat for me?" Minhyuk asked, his voice cracking.

Kihyun looked up at him, worried for him. "Yeah, I can eat... are you okay?" He asked.

"I'm sorry," he whimpered, walking out. What happened?

I helped Kihyun sit up and got him set up to eat. "I'll be right back," I smiled before rushing after Minhyuk. "Min, what's wrong?" I asked softly.

He shook his head before crying on my shoulder. I held him, letting him cry. "Hyungwon pisses me off sometimes," Minhyuk cried. "I asked Kihyun to eat and all I could remember suddenly were the nights we begged him to eat. He chose to drive Wonho to God knows where, and he ended up permanently fucked up!" What made him say that?

I sighed, pulling him off my shoulder. "Did he choose to have Wonho abuse him? To have you abuse him? Did he choose to have Akira keep Benji from him?" Minhyuk shook his head, wiping his tears. "So why do you get mad at him for being a victim?" I asked.

"When you heal," Minhyuk started. "And you choose to heal. There are parts where you have to take responsibility for the choices you made as part of your pain." I nodded, listening to him. "If he had stayed in the hospital, he wouldn't have tumbled down that rocky mountain side that led to him dying. If I had told someone I needed help, I wouldn't have hurt you or him. If Mom told us she was sick, she wouldn't have gotten worse. And if Kihyun would've stopped acting so tough, we could've seen it better." He had a point. "I love that man in there and it hurts me, Jooheon."

I shrugged a bit. "So what are you gonna do about that?" I asked, looking at him.

That's when we heard Kihyun speak up. "He's gonna come in here, shut the door, and have a conversation with me." My jaw dropped. I didn't think he could hear us. Minhyuk glared at me before going back into the room. Whatever you do, Kihyun, please let him down easy.