Him - Monsta X Short Story

nine.

"Am I allowed to have the door shut?" I asked, Minhyuk.

He shook his head. "The nature in which you got here still gives doctors concern. You were sleep deprived but not all better." I understood that. "How much did you hear?" He asked.

I sighed softly, patting the end of my bed. "I heard a lot of it. The conversation in the hall. Some of what you told Jooheon when I was sleeping. How you couldn't possibly tell me that you love me when it's a struggle for me to get past Hyungwon. And out of respect for Hyungwon, we can't date." Minhyuk nodded, disappointed in himself for letting it slip.

"I do love you Kihyun," he sighed. "I don't know what to do."

I nodded, holding his hand. "Can I ask you when you knew? When you knew you loved me? And why?" I was curious how long this had been going on.

Minhyuk thought for a bit. "When Hyungwon kept breaking your heart with dumb shit, all I could think about was how I could do better and knew I could do better. Not even as a competition or trying to one up him, or hurt him. But I knew I could do better for you. I'm not the most stable person in our family. But I was at one point. I had a job, I had an apartment. I didn't always have a level head but I had grown up a lot after you became my best friend. And I wanted to thank you some how. And in my mind, it was to save you from the path Hyungwon was headed down. And protect you. You gave your everything to protect all of us and no one was doing the same for you. I wanted to be that person." I could understand where he was coming from.

"That sounds nice but what is it I did for you that made you love me?" I asked. Everyone who has loved me generally fell in love because I came off as someone who needed saving and love doesn't always save.

It was silent as he calmed himself down. "You made me a better man?" He whimpered, tears coming on. "You make me better and you make me feel heard. You're my safe space, my best friend, why wouldn't I love you?"

That was a fair point. "Okay," I sighed. "I love you too, Minhyuk. I do. I love you as a friend, I love how you care about us. I love you." I felt like I was going the wrong way. "But I cannot go further with you. Changkyun, Hyungwon, Joshua... I don't have any more romance to give. I've been so consumed with sex all of my life and I can't do it anymore." I felt bad but I knew that's what had to happen.

"I respect that," Minhyuk smiled, leaning to kiss my forehead. I wouldn't let go of the closeness we had, regardless. "However... you just said you've been consumed with sex your entire life. I didn't say anything like that. Love doesn't have to include sex. And I don't want your body and what you body can do for me. I want you. I'm not saying that to sway you, but I want you to know I love you far more than I would want sex from you."

I nodded, smiling softly. "So what's next for me? I stay here for a few days in psych, learn how to manage my mental pain, go on with my life?" I asked. I wanted to be home but I also wanted what's best for me.

Minhyuk hit my call button. "We'll get some answers for you Ki. I'm gonna take Jooheon home and you can call me later?" I nodded, hugging him tightly. "Thank you for understanding me and hearing me out. I hope nothing changes." I relaxed in his arms and thought for a second.

"They won't. We just have to be smart about our feelings. And if anything gets rough, we'll talk it out." He nodded, content with that answer.

As he left with Jooheon, the doctor came in. "How are you feeling?" She asked, coming to check my vitals.

I finally let my guard down. "Exhausted, like the only way I can stop feeling this bad is to just fucking die. I didn't want them to hear that from me."

She nodded, hearing me. "Well, we have to keep you for observation, we may have to transport you to psych." I knew that was coming.

"Whatever," I mumbled. "Because I can't get him to leave me alone." The entire time Minhyuk was talking to me, I felt Hyungwon staring at me. Judging me for even considering being with him.

As I admitted to his presence, he chuckled. "Like Hell I'm just gonna let you leave me like that," Hyungwon whispered. "It's not fair that you get to act like you're so over people. Me, Changkyun... you act like you're so over us when you know you'd rather be with us, or anywhere but here."

I shook my head, tears coming to my eyes. "My ex-boyfriend, my dead ex-boyfriend is still here. I see him, I hear him, I feel him. Am I crazy? Or sick? I just want him gone." I stared at my doctor, hoping she had an answer for me.

"You're transgender, right?" She asked softly. I nodded. "Hormones?"

I sat up slightly. "Yeah... why?" I asked, now fearing for my life. She immediately ordered scans to be taken before I ended up in psych.

Hours later, another doctor came in. "Hello, Kihyun," he smiled kindly. "I'm Dr. Johnson, oncology." I shook my head, not wanting to speak with him. "You know those side effects that are a part of hormone injections?" He asked.

"Do not fucking tell me that," I growled lowly. "Don't fucking tell me what you're about to tell me."

Dr. Johnson shook his head softly. "Your scans show that when they did your double mastectomy, there were remnants of mammary gland tissue. Did you notice your left nipple becoming inverted?"

I shook my head. "I have a son, I focus on him." I shrugged. I couldn't believe what I was about to listen to.

"There is a tumor in the left side of your chest," he announced, furthering my despair. "And die to the nature of what brought you here, we also did a brain scan. You have breast cancer that metastasized to your brain. You have two tumors, one easy to remove and one a little bit more difficult." I sighed, feeling the weight of his words crush me like a ton of bricks. This couldn't be happening to me. Haven't I had enough?