𝐅𝐀𝐕𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐄 𝐂𝐑𝐈𝐌𝐄 ➪t.holland

𝑷𝑹𝑶𝑳𝑶𝑮𝑼𝑬

From the late dusk till early dawn of the day.
From the sunrise to sunset in your beautiful chaos.
And from the light seeping in the dark tunnel of your life.

It all felt different.

Each day was like living a different chapter and every page would be another step closer to the fate that was awaiting you. Everyday was living a lie and the more you pushed harder for it not to be what it is, you become more of the person you didn't want to be. The sad part is, it was all your fault. All the decisions you made, all led to this but you couldn't blame anyone. You liked what you did and hell, you were a boss at it.

It just costed more sometimes and sacrifices weren't a choice.

But nothing good ever came out from something that wasn't risky. That's what you lived day and night: a risk.

At this point in time, this was now your responsibility. It was yours ever since you held the power and it definitely paid off. You were a hard worker, planning your goals and setting your success. It was always something you were born with and naturally, it led you somewhere that would showcase those skills and talents.

However, the more you got yourself involved, the more risks there were and the closer you were to your worst fate. You knew this was the case, yet you kept going. You kept going for yourself. Without this job of yours, you wouldn't be living in a building right now. It wasn't all thanks to you though. Yea, you worked your ass off completing your tasks to the best of your abilities but without the help of the people that got you started, you wouldn't be where you were now.

There you sat at this moment, inside a room forbidden from anyone's eyes, somewhere in your house, with piles of what anyone would identify as real but was trully fake.

It would always be like this almost every late night.

Within the dusty walls of the room that no one has entered, you sat on your knees, contemplating your life choices as you organised the products that screamed the lies it held and the dirty hands that have touched it. You didn't know if you wanted to go back and wished to have never started this, or if this whole thing was the best decision of your life. It was really a balance of the best and worst, therefore leaving you with nothing but the choices of having to keep going.

It was too late to go back now though. You were too far deep into this dangerous hustle and you tried getting out but look what happened to you. A few scars and traumatic memories was where that got you. And it wasn't nice but you had to live with what you were given and use that to your advantage. You used those experiences to fuel your motivation and will to live.

Your weakness was your strength and this point, anyone could see you as fearless.

You felt like you had nothing to loose.

Although you'd gain alot from the work you put in, it was as if it wasn't enough to satisfy the growing need of simplicity you were craving.

The feeling of pride had slowly died down during the years of being involved in this 'business'. At first it was fun, exciting and thrilling but once the dangers and risks presented itself, you knew that this was a bad idea. A bad idea that you couldn't get out off. Even if you fled the country, written in a different identity, they would always find you.

Despite all the chaos that came from this responsibility of yours, you were a good asset to the business and team. You had exceptional skills that anyone could notice from a mile away and that's why you were introduced.

These assignments you had to do never got old for you; you were never bored with it. You were more afraid of the dangers it held just from knowing that this establishment exists. Although most of the times, it felt more thrilling to you, there was still that small voice, nagging in the back of your head, annoying you with its instincts of protecting you. It kept telling you to go back the other way and discontinue this shady association but at the same time you knew that if you tried even just a little to get out of it, you'd get more than just a punch next time.

You winced at the ache in your knees as you stood up from your life's work in front of you. With a secure lock on the metal door and a small slide of the bookshelf in front of it, it was back to its original state, where nothing would seem as if something was behind it.

You sighed, resting your palm against the bookshelf, trying to imagine what life would be like if you hadn't gotten yourself involved. You imagined yourself maybe playing golf with a friend that you never had or drinking tea with a family that was never there. It's a sad life you had, of only being able to imagine those simple things.

Unfortunately, the value of satisfaction in your desires were the expensive ones you didn't want, but had received.

You walked upstairs with heavy steps to the bedroom where more of your dirty secrets were kept hidden. You didn't bother to get dressed just landing yourself harshly down on top of your covers and resting your head on your soft pillows.

Your bed was the only sense of comfort you had and even that wasn't even enough to reassure you that things will be alright, knowing that the scandalous acts were hidden just below the surface of your bed and the small layers of wood.

Your eyes closed, envisioning the life you dreamed, before you fell asleep in a deep haze, with your body finally taking its rest of the day.

You hoped that things would get easier as time went on. Even if it's just a little. But there was always something that you couldn't get out of what it truly is, no matter how hard you tried.

Another day, another lie.

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