identical ▸ zalfie, finn harries

chapter five | zoe

zoe | hanna pov.

I was sat in the taxi on the way to the club with Alfie. I was on my phone looking at my whatsapp group I had with my friends I was meant to be meeting tonight. All three of them had made an excuse as to why they weren't coming. I sighed, slumping in my seat.

"We should go home." I moaned. No longer feeling in the mood to go clubbing with only Alfie.

"What! No, come on, we can have a good time just the two of us. Anyway we wont be the only people there! Have some fun, you never do." Alfie elbowed my arm to let me know he wasn't being serious. I attempted to smile and make it seem as if I was enjoying myself but I wasn't. I hoped that Alfie was right and that we could have a good time by ourselves.

The taxi eventually arrived outside of my favourite club in London and Alfie paid the driver. I climbed out of the door before waiting for him just outside the club. He smiled as he walked over to me, I hesitantly smiled back before we went into the club side by side.

Once we were inside all I could see was a huge sea of people and all I could hear was some bass song playing so loud I couldn't even hear myself if I screamed. I walked towards the bar, wanting to let my hair down, not literally, and have a good time, just to prove to myself that I could, because recently the only time I seemed to be happy was when I was with other people and even though I had Alfie's company, we wouldn't be able to speak at all.

I made my way over to the bar with Alfie, my hand was in his as we pushed through the ocean of people dancing around us. Once we arrived at the bar Alfie got himself a drink and he offered to get me my favourite too. I gladly accepted the offer of a free vodka and fanta lemon.

The bartender got the drinks before handing them over to us. I got a straw from the glass of them beside me and I popped it into my glass. I took a sip of the drink before taking it with me as I headed to the dance floor. Alfie reluctantly followed behind me with his drink in his hand, he hated dancing.

All of these unfamiliar remix and bass songs played in the background as I danced around aimlessly. Alfie was beside me and he laughed as I did the most embarrassing moves I could think of. Alfie's drink had vanished and I assumed it was because he was finished. His arms managed to travel around my neck as I danced closer to him. His hands linked together at the back of my neck and our bodies were suddenly a lot closer than they were only seconds ago.

I felt everything. The slight movement of Alfie's hands as they rested on my neck as I slowly danced close to him. The heat radiating of off everyone in the club but mostly Alfie. The smell of his cologne, now mixed with a small amount of sweat. I felt excited and good but mostly guilty. I tried to push it to the back of my mind and tell myself that this was unacceptable, that this was my identical twin sister's boyfriend. I wanted to move away, to run away, to erase it but as much as my brain thought that, all my heart could do was make me move closer. 

I looked up to Alfie to meet his gaze, his eyes were bright in the dark room. I moved the hand that wasn't holding my drink to the side of Alfie's neck, partially in his hair, my eyes were still fixed on his. I felt his breath on my face, smelling the small amount of alcohol he had had to drink just before.

Our eyes were still fixated on each others and his hands moved from behind my neck onto the sides of my face. I felt like we were the only two people in the world. The hot, sweaty mass of people around us couldn't be seen, the loud music couldn't be heard, the alcohol mixed with sweat couldn't be smelt. It was just me and him. Alfie's face came closer and closer to mine and my thoughts were all mixed together. My brain was screaming at me to move away or slap him or something, to get him away from him as fast as possible. But I never answered any of my problems with my brain, I was a heart listener. So I stayed exactly where I was as his lips came closer and closer to mine.

The second his lips touched mine it was like I had an immediate reaction to kissing him back. Our lips moulded together like they were made especially for each other. I stepped closer to him and leaned on my toes as I wanted to deepen the kiss. I dropped my glass on the floor, hearing it smash, as my other hand moved up to the back of Alfie's neck and my fingers ran through the back of his hair. His hand travelled from my face down to my back, pulling me towards him. I had never kissed anyone like this before, I had never felt like this kissing anyone before. 

I stepped away from Alfie, needing to breathe. I took my hands back to my sides, looking at the floor, too scared to look at him. For the length of the kiss, when I felt like we were the only ones on the earth I could pretend the guilt wasn't there. But now I'm back in reality the feeling has overcome me.

I turned around, still not looking at Alfie and practically running from the dance floor. I went up to the bar and ordered myself another drink. As soon as it was put in front of me I picked it up, putting in another straw and took a drink. I sat down on one of the stools and sipped at my drink.

I felt a hand on my back and turned around to see Alfie. "Alfie, I can't do this. Not to her. She is the most important thing in my life, she always has been." I felt tears rolling down my face, I can't believe I could do this to my sister. I must be the worst person alive right now.

"She is the most important thing to me as well. I'm sorry. It was my fault." Alfie said softly, sitting down next to me. "Don't cry Han. It's okay, we'll figure all this out."

"I let you kiss me, I kissed you back. The worst part is I liked it, I had thought about it before. It wasn't some spur of the moment thing for me." The tears were worse as I thought more about what I had done.

"Hanna, it's okay. We'll figure something out. Do you just want to go back to your place?" Alfie soothed me as I felt my crying just getting worse.

"Alfie!" I half shouted at him. I couldn't believe him right now, I had just told him I felt terrible about this situation. I was crying to him about it because I felt so bad and this is what he had to say.

"No! Just to go home! We won't do anything!" Alfie laughed at the fact I thought he was implying something else.

I smiled slightly, I felt my tears dry but I knew I would have mascara smeared all under my eyes so I nodded to the idea of going home, I quickly finished my drink and headed for the door. This was the shortest time I had ever been clubbing for yet I needed to go home. 

Once Alfie and I got outside, he phoned for a taxi to come and pick us up. I stood outside, feeling a lot calmer about the situation. Alfie was right, we would figure something out. We always did. And although I wouldn't want to admit it to myself right now, we did have a good time just the two of us.

We were still stood outside of the club around 20 minutes later because the taxi was taking longer than we anticipated. The positive feeling I had drained out of me as soon as my phone started to ring in my hand and I looked down at the screen.

"Alfie." He looked around to face me, smiling slightly. 

"Yeah?" Once he realised the look on my face, he seemed more concerned than before.

"It's Zoe."