identical ▸ zalfie, finn harries

chapter seven | apologies

apologies | hanna pov.

The journey between the taxi and the front door of the 'Zalfie pad' felt like it took years. Alfie sprinted ahead, clearly feeling extremely guilty. I felt just as bad but the thought of facing her made me feel light-headed. When I eventually got inside and closed the door behind me, all I could hear was Alfie attempting to apologise to my sister. He was crying, practically breaking down, Zoe was crying too. I was pretty sure I had no tears left inside of me. I walked into the room with the couple. Alfie had Zoe's hands in his but she could barely look at him. They took no notice of me, Alfie still attempting to apologise through his tears.

"Zoe, please. I can't possibly feel any worse about this. I love you!" Alfie sobbed, clearly making it obvious that he didn't love me. That's fine, I don't love him either but I still have strong feelings for him and it does hurt a little.

"It sure looked like you felt just terrible about the situation in that picture all over the internet! I can't believe you would ever do this to me!" Zoe's voice went louder and she finally made eye contact with me. I was wrong earlier; I had tears left in me. As soon as I attempted to apologise to my sister I burst out crying again.

"You know, the worst thing about this is that everyone thinks that it's me in that picture! This picture that will forever be the first ever 'Zalfie' kiss ruined my life! It will constantly be mentioned and loved by my subscribers and all I will want to do is burst into tears every time! Why should I have to go through something so terrible because of your mistakes?" Zoe paced around the room, she had silent tears running down her face, her voice made her sound confident but I knew she was breaking inside. Alfie was now sat on the sofa his head in his hands, crying. I stood, leaning against the wall as I followed the movements of my sister as she walked from one side of the room to the other. I placed my hands on my face, letting my tears fall off my cheeks onto my dress.

"Well then don't let them think it's you, if it is upsetting you this much I'll let them know it's me. Tell them I'm Hanna, it's gotten to the stage where that's probably easier now anyway." I said, sniffling and my voice keeping quiet.

"What?" Both Alfie and Zoe turned around in unison, speaking at the same time.

"I'm fed up of all this stress, I want to be able to go out in public without having to pretend to be you, I want to be my own person."

"If I tell them that it's you in that picture that's going to be just as bad, telling the whole world that my identical twin sister kissed my boyfriend, I mean it's practically cheating isn't it!" Zoe sighed, I think we all realised there was no possible reasoning here.

"Zoe, if it is going to help in anyway, I'll do it for you." I hoped my pathetic excuse of an apology was enough for now; I would grovel and beg later, she wasn't going to listen to it just now anyway.

"Hanna, don't you get it? Because of what the both of you have done, I have to deal with the consequences. I either have to go around pretending it is me in that photo, deal with the fact the whole world will know I have an identical twin sister that kissed my boyfriend, the press will be all over it and you two will have to deal with hate from the subscribers or lastly I have to deal with the pain of all of this by myself because right now I can't even think of what is to come with any of us. There are no good solutions to this problem!" Zoe stressed, running her fingers through her hair.

"Zoe you can't leave me. You can't do this alone, I love you please!" Alfie stood up from his seat and rushed to Zoe's side. His hands rested on the sides of her arms and she looked down at her feet.

"Alfie, please. Not now, I can't do this right now." Zoe cried, stepping away from him. "Can you both just go, can we just deal with this tomorrow. It's late and I'm tired." Zoe turned around walking away from us both and up the stairs towards the bedroom she and Alfie share.

Alfie walked to the sofa and fell down onto it; he turned around and put his face into the pillow. I didn't know what to do but I knew that right now Alfie and Zoe were going to need to work this out. Zoe was right, this needed to be somewhat sorted tomorrow. I turned around and walked out of the front door. I headed towards the nearest hotel I knew, I couldn't deal with this either, I don't think Alfie or I realised the consequences of our clearly very stupid actions.

After I got into the hotel room I flopped down onto the bed, realising that all I had with me was my phone and some money, I had no clothes or pyjamas with me. I lay my hands behind my head and I just stared at the ceiling.

My eyes stared at the same spec on the ceiling as all the thoughts and feeling rushed to the front of my mind. I had done so many things wrong today I didn't even think I could trust myself anymore.

After feeling like I was going to burst into tears again, I decided to try and be stronger than I thought I was. I went into the bathroom and attempted to wash the makeup off of my face with some water and a face cloth.

I walked into the bedroom again and I took off my shoes and my dress, climbing under the covers in only my bra and pants. I put my head down on the pillow and after a total of around 5 minutes I gave up trying to be strong and I let the tears fall from my eyes for what felt like the millionth time tonight. I knew dealing with this crappy situation I had gotten myself into was going to be the hardest thing I had ever done in my life.