𝙹𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚗𝚊𝚕 𝙴𝚗𝚝𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚜 || 𝙸𝚠𝚊𝙾𝚒

| 08 |

TW: self harm/mentions

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November/12th/2017

She's beautiful.

What else can I say? Inside and out, she's an angel. Her beauty knows no bounds, which explains why of all people she met Iwa-chan.

Or more so, Iwa-chan met her.

Aiko.

He told us about a rather sweet girl he'd met while he was out on a late night run, he talked so fondly of her.

Ow.

He looks happier when he's thinking about her. He smiles more when he talks about her.
He's so happy with her, and it's so beautifully cruel.

It hurts.

It hurts so, so much.
It hurts hearing him talk about her, telling us how happy she makes him, how sweet she can be, how gentle and kind she is.

She's my polar opposite, everything I could never be.

Iwa-chan deserves this, her, he deserves someone who can treat him properly, someone who can make him happy.

I know I could never do that for him, but it still hurts.

Or at least it did.

The more and more he talked about her, the more the hurt, not went away, but numbed. Deep down I still feel that brutal sting even seeing him smile when she's around, the exact same way I smile when he's around.

It's killing me.
No longer just metaphorically.

I'm slowly draining myself of everything, my own life line feels as though it's getting thinner.

I can't even make it a day without fresh cuts, the second I get home I run for the bathroom and look for my razor.

I no longer care how deep, I don't care how painful, I don't care how close to death it brings me.

The fuzzy headed feeling it brings along, that moment of which feels like that of a sweet high, I can't live without it.

It's my only escape from the insufferable pain that's slowly tearing my life apart, and I don't know how to stop it.

I don't know how to stop, I don't know what to do, I need help.

Please, somebody.

~Sincerely,
Tooru Oikawa