𝙹𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚗𝚊𝚕 𝙴𝚗𝚝𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚜 || 𝙸𝚠𝚊𝙾𝚒

| 10 |

July/21st/2018

First of all, thank you.

Thank you to everyone who's been there for me, who's watched me grow, who's stayed by my side no matter what life threw at me.

Thank you to those who loved me,, and to those I loved.

Thank you Makki, thank you Mattsun, thank you Mom.

Thank you, Hajime.

Even if it wasn't mutual, thank you for being the reason I loved.

I̶ l̶o̶v̶e̶d̶ y̶o̶u̶.

I love you.

I always have, I love your beautiful olive green eyes, your rare yet ever so charming smile, or the small smiles you give when you do something you're proud of.

I love how you never fail to pick someone up when they're feeling down, I love how you'd check up on me, I'd love the reminders you'd give about not overworking myself, they reminded me that you care.

I love the way you always manage to understand me, the way you seem to know when something's wrong, or when I'm in a mood, and I love how you'd always stay with me until I felt better, whether it be in silence or not.

I love everything about you, and I'm sorry I couldn't give you that in return.

I'm sorry I couldn't be what you wanted, I'm sorry I couldn't care for you like you do for others, I'm sorry I'm not as kind, I'm sorry I'm not as genuine.

I'm sorry I'm not what you needed.
I'm sorry I could never have been what you needed.

I'm sorry that I love you, because as wonderful as loving you is, it's unbearable.

I can't stand living each day knowing I was too late to tell you, I can't stand living each day knowing I lost my chance to someone who deserved it way more than I ever could.

I can't stand living my life knowing my love wasn't enough for you.

So unfortunately.. as much as it pains me to say this, I must. Because it pains me more to keep quiet.

Hajime, I love you, and so..

..I have to say goodbye.

Please don't cry, smile for me, smile and think about all the happy time's ahead you'll have with those who are still around.

And for the sake of me being at peace, please, keep loving, because a life lived with no love is more painful than my passing could ever be.

~Sincerely,
Tooru Oikawa