Figuring Myself Out

Chapter 10 - self harm trigger

Aspen Pov.

*skip if triggered easily by unaliving attempt*

One week after Aspen's birthday
March 4 Monday 5: 54 am

Today I feel like I cannot go on with my life that way that it's going. Everyone in this house is toxic and they don't even know it.

I was in my bed on YouTube and I hear my mom and sister having a normal conversation until my sister said something so that turned into a big argument.

"Here we go again." I said.

I put headphones on and turned the music all the way up before going back to sleep not caring that I will be late for school.

*Dream starts*

I get up from my bed and look in the mirror not seeing anything scaring the shit out of me. It was like I was ghost or something.

I scream loudly but no one came to check on me which broke my heart thinking that no one cared.

After looking at the mirror again I leave my room and go into the kitchen to see my family even my dad was there eating breakfast.

"Could you pass the butter sweetie?" my mom said.

"Of course mother" Chandler said.

They seemed so happy without me it felt foreign to see how well they got along but that's not what hurt.

It seemed that they didn't notice that I wasn't there nor did it seemed like they cared.

"Why do I feel like we are missing someone?" Chandler asked.

My mom and dad looked at one another before laughing and what my mom said made me want to vomit.

"Don't be silly we wouldn't dare have another kid." She said.

" NO MOM DAD PLEASE DON'T SAY THAT I LOVE YOU PLEASE SEE ME OR LISTEN TO ME." I screamed.

I continued screaming until one of them heard me but none of them batted an eye my way.

I had ran out the apartment onto the street to just end it all but the car had went right through me.

All I could do was cry until I fell to the ground laying there thinking no one would come save me.

"Goodbye cruel world." I whispered.

When I closed my eyes I was filled with darkness scared out of my mind.

*End of dream*

I woke up from my dream with tears in my eyes and sweat running down my face running to the mirror seeing my reflection.

I quickly look away hating the way I looked before looking at the clock and saw that it was after 8:20 am.

"I hate myself I feel like a burden to everyone." I said.

Instead of taking a shower I put pants that were thrown on the floor on and a hoodie before getting my slip-on sneakers and walking out the door.

While I was walking I cleaned my face so one could tell that I was unhappy with everything in my life.

When I reached the school I got a late pass to my second period class and handed it to the teacher which had to be Mr. James.

"You're late young lady." He said.

"No shit Sherlock." I said to myself.