Figuring Myself Out

Chapter 12

Aspen Pov.
April 11th Friday 5:30 am

*Briefly talks about unliving attempt. Skip if needed*

Today I was finally getting out of this damn hospital it has been to fucking long since I have been outside.

"Good morning sorry for waking you up so early but your mother will be here in another hour and we bought you some clothes to change into." the doctor said.

I got up from the bed and walked to the bathroom to change into a pair of blue sweatpants, a loose white t-shirt, and I had my slides to wear.

By the time I was done the doctor had left but there was a note on my bed and I looked at it before crumbling it up.

"Why the fuck am I still here." I said to myself.

I haven't seen my phone since I got in the fucking hospital because my mom thought that it was the reason behind it all but I finally got it back yesterday.

I grabbed it to play a game bored out of my mind until I saw that I had several missed calls and text messages from all my friends.

*start call*

Aspen: Hey

Kades: Don't fucking 'hey' me where the fuck have you been you went M.I.A for 3 fucking months and we want an explanation, you are on speaker by the way. (Crying)

Markayla, Victory, Darla: Hey Aspen

Aspen: I have been in the hospital all this time because I have been on watch also my mom took my phone away so there was no way for me to call or text anyone I had to try to persuade the doctors into asking my mom to give it back to me yesterday but I am coming home today.

*silence*

Aspen: It's okay guys I am fine we don't have to talk about it if you are uncomfortable but just know that I am physically okay .

Kades: Um um ... okay ... we'll talk about this later when school is out... can you come over tonight or we coming to you?

Aspen: we are going to have to move this party to my house since I know that my mom will not want me leaving the house for a while except school.

Kades: we can definitely do that we missed you we want .... no need to see you, I need you

Aspen: Okay bye see you guys later

*End call*

Before I could hear their response I ended the call and was looking down at my now somewhat faded scars running my hand over them.

"-pen Aspen" Someone said.

I looked up to see my mom standing there with cards and several balloons I don't know why she had them.

"What the fuck is this for? I asked.

"Theses are for you from the staff." she replied.

I just rolled my eyes and went with her before thanking everyone who had taken care of me some looking happy but the others were looking sad.

The ones that were sad gave me hugs and said that I better not see you here again for suicide but I can't promise anything. I stopped when I saw Dr. Marshal.

"Hey kid glad your finally going home take my card just in case you ever want to talk." she said.

I grabbed the card and went with my mom to the car watching the hospital get smaller as we drive away.

~ 45 minutes later

Good thing that it's Friday and early as hell because Chandler isn't home since she always go to her boyfriends house on Friday and stays the weekend.

My mom opened the door and I quickly went to the bathroom to take a well needed shower but I got stopped by my mom.

"Sweetie I will be home around 6 and so will be bringing home dinner for us so we can talk." she said.

I nodded and closed the bathroom door before brushing my teeth and stripping hopping into the shower taking an hour long shower.

By the time I got out so was pruny and tired so I left the bathroom now standing in front of my closet looking for something to wear.

After getting dressed I put my phone on silent and immediately went to sleep.

~ Around 3 pm

"ughhhhh" I groaned.

I woke up with a slight headache and I have no idea why but before I could think about anything there was a knock at the door.

When I opened it I was tackled to the ground by hugs from my friends and I was lowkey confused.

"I thought you guys would be in school, why are you here so early?" I asked.

"Dude it's 3:25 pm you must have been sleep from a long time because you look like shit." Victory said.

Victory had regretted what she said because she muttered out a 'sorry' but I shrugged her off and guided them to my room.

I laid down on my bed with my head laying on Kades' lap while Markayla was on my computer chair and Victory and Darla was sharing my bean bag.

The five of us were talking about what has been going on in school and stuff until we ran out of things to talk about.

They were kinda staring at me like they wanted to know. I knew that they weren't going to be ready but I told them anyway.

"Remember the last time I was at school looking like shit well I felt like shit and there were so many bad thoughts running through my head that day and I just wanted them to stop ... so ... I went home early to just go to sleep to get those thoughts out of my head but I didn't ... I um ... I um ... slashed too deep and then I fainted or something because next thing I know I'm waking up in the hospital ........ the second time I decided to take some random pills that was on the nurses cart so I had to stay longer and now I'm home." I said.

Kades was holding my hand before all of them gave me hugs and telling me 'it's okay' 'don't worry' 'we love you' and 'as long as your here and safe we're happy'.

"Let's watch a movie Victory and I'll get popcorn, Markayla you get the drinks, Kades and Aspen pick a good ass movie." Darla said.

"Why do I have to get the damn beverages?" Markayla whined.

We laughed at her before doing what Darla asked us. The movies were in my room since my room is the only one with a projector and I'm too lazy to move it to the living room.

Kades was looking for a movie but I couldn't shake the thoughts from my head I shook my head trying to get them out.

"Aspen Aspen are you okay?" someone said.

It was Kades she has tears in her eyes and so did I, I nodded even though she knew that I wasn't. She picked a movie quickly before hugging me tightly.

I heard her whisper 'don't let your thoughts get the best of you.' I starting crying finding it hard to breath.

Just before everyone else came upstairs I was breathing normal but you could tell that I was crying but no one said anything.

"What movie did you pick?" Victory asked.

"Um Spider-Man." Kades replied.

The five of us got on my bed and started watching the movie. My head was on Kades shoulder with her holding me tight.