Trying to have peace

A matter of perspective

I remember how I woke up in that white room. The smell was different from the last place, it didn't smell as death and it wasn't dark.Everything in my body hurt. There were people in white clothes. Even if they didn't speake. russian, they were so similar with the other people. They had syringes like the others, but their methods are not painful. They also didn't have the water pool where they used to put me until i couldn't breathe and then  ask a lot of questions until i passed out . I remember how one day, i threw out so much water. Sometimes, they remember of the russian people so much that i start to see the room that they kept me in. But only for a few minutes, i think i'm back there. Maybe there  are a  few minutes, or not, I can't tell.It feels like 100 years for me.
At least this room has windows, not like the other one. I love the sun's light.Then one day, some people came to see me. They were noisy. At least they weren't  noises of pain. I remember when i couldn't answer their question, the russians would bring a person, it didn't matter their age, i saw them all :babies, children, men and women and even old people. They tortured them in front of me, until they last breath. Then they told me"You survived, but this innocent people died because of you!".All of them had tears in their eyes. The one who could talk implored me to answer the questions.. and after they saw i didn't all they told me was :" told my family i love them".
I even didn't know how to answer to russian's questions. They always asked me:"Who sent you? Were the Avengers, weren't them? What are they planing? What is SHIELD's weakness? Or the Avengers's?". I didn't know who they were. They didn't believe me.After a time, they realized that torturing people won't make me speak, so they started again to torture me. A part of it is blurry. They did for so long that i didn't feel it. One day they gave me the last one.
I got blocked again in memories. It happens pretty often. Somehow now  i am in a room and are more people than at the white room . There are the noisy people and a man with an eyepatch. Then they left and a woman with dark hair came. She seemed to be nice. But what if they work with the
russians. I can't trust them. The russian blonde lady was nice at first too. She keep called me "sister" and acted like she was on my side until she saw she couldn't get any information from me. She tortured me the most. And i'm sure she liked it. Then a woman with blonde hair came in the room. I panicked. I didn't wanted to go through this again. That woman smiled. So did the russian one. We were alone. So I was there. It all happened again. I didn't wanted it. All the pain..... the screams.... i hear  all the screams of the people who died in  front of me, and see them everytime i close my eyes. I didn't sleep for so long that i don't feel tired anymore. I zoned out again. I feel a pinch on my hand and everything becomes blurry and dark. When i woke up, the man with the arrows, i think his name is Clint put me in a chair and led me to a room where were the others. I think i learned they names:Steve is the blonde one with colorful uniform, Tony is the noisiest of them all and Bruce is the one with glasses. They look friendly, but looks can't be trusted. So looked the russian at first. At least, they didn't speake russian. that was what I thought, until Clint started to speak russian. Is he one of them? is this a trap? Did the others know? Is this a new kind of torture?A new plan to make me answer  questions i don't even know the answer? I looked again and Clint was  gone. Steve and Bruce looked at me with a worried look. Bruce left and let me with Steve, who took a towel and wiped the blood from my face. I can see in his eyes he is a good man. Maybe Bruce and Tony too. But Clint can't be trusted. Clint came in the room again. I started to panic, but gladly, he left fast.

Wait-why did i had blood on my mouth?