(jaylor au) clandestine meetings in beautiful rooms

I Still See It All In My Head

Sure enough, as he said, the next morning, both paints and a piano arrive in my room.
"Here you go, darling sister. Would you like to have breakfast with me?" He asks, waltzing into the room, a smile on his face. "Are you feeling better, you were unwell last night."
"Was I?" Does he really believe this?
"Yes, I do believe so. You didn't seem yourself."
"Well... I'm sorry."
"Thank you, sister. So, would you like to come and have breakfast with me? I have had the kitchen prepare something special for you. And then, perhaps we could go for a walk? The castle grounds are very beautiful at this time of year."
"In summer?"
"Summer - that used to be your favourite, didn't it? Shall we go?" He holds out his hand. It used to be my favourite, but not anymore.
I have no choice but to take it, no choice but to play along to try and gain back the trust I llost last night.
"You look absolutely beautiful today, Taylor. Pink suits you. I can't wait for the rest of the country to see us."

"I'm sorry for overreacting last night." I apologise, knowing that he'll like the apology.
"Me too," he answers.
I just give him a smile, nodding.
"As I mentioned earlier, I thought that you might like to go for a walk around the gardens? And perhaps then you could do some painting."
The mere thought of painting makes me smile.
"That would be nice." I don't want to sit and paint. That's the absolute last thing on my mind. I don't want to paint this place, paint what's happening. I don't want to sit down with a paint brush and paint from my heart. How could I?

"I feel like we are little kids again." He murmurs, squeezing my hand.
"It does feel like that, doesn't it?"
"Promise me, Taylor. That you'll stay with me. Don't leave me again." He sounds like a child, and for a split second, I can hear his screams.

Echoing through those walls, the scream of a child. The scream of my brother. They killed him. Austin was dead. I heard him die. His blood stained my dress. I start to feel faint, my heart racing a million miles an hour. I reach out, trying to get his attention. It's a panic attack. How did I fix this? What did I do? How do I breathe?
My hands are trembling, they turn ice cold. It happens suddenly, even though I am standing in the sunlight, a feeling of frost travels down my spine. I feel like jack frost has cast a spell on me and I am frozen.
"Taylor? What's happening?" He asks, clutching onto my arms.
All I can hear are his screams. His painful cries for help. Him, calling out my name. Me, running towards him, even when my parents called me away. His shrieks of pain. The words he uttered haunt me like bad memories looming in the shadows.
Taylor, please don't leave me!
I won't, Austin.
I'm scared.
I know you are.
Don't let me go.
"You're not him." I tell him, the memories in burning red across my mind.
"What are you talking about?" He is angry at me now, like he was the last time I tried saying that my brother was dead. "I am right here."
"You can't be here! You died in my arms. I had your blood on my dress, and I watched you die."
He is getting more and more upset with this. He starts pacing back and forth, his hand covering his face. "I am so sick of you telling me that this isn't true! I am here, and very much alive!"
"But I watched you! I watched-" He storms over to me, clutching my face in his hands.
"Shut up, Taylor. I am here, with you! Stop it!"
"Don't touch me! You died. I can... I can hear your screams! They haunt me, Austin. You say that you had it rough - and trust me, I understand that - but so did I!" His face softens, his hands become less tense against my face. "And you are not him, because Austin would never, ever treat me like this!" I scream. I throw his hands away from me.
"The only reason I did this was to protect you, because you do not understand how much they have hurt you. I want to protect you from all the hurt-"
"I was fine! I just started to have a life again - and now you are keeping me away from everything. I was happy."
"Really? And is that why you killed a man? Why you broke down at your own wedding because of a girl? Is that happiness to you?" He snaps, throwing his hands up in the air.
"Happiness is home, Austin. And I don't think that you even know what that is, so of course you wouldn't understand-"
"How dare you make that assumption about me!" He roars. The guards that have been hovering around us, now come forward and take my arms. "Happiness is when we are together!"
"But it's not real." I  murmur. I can see the tears in his eyes, "None of this is real, Austin."
"Take her away." He commands, his tears glistening in the sunlight. "I wish not to see her until much, much later."
"Yes, your highness."
"Oh, so now you know the truth, you don't want me anymore?" I bite my lip,willing the tears to stop. "You haven't had anyone Austin. As you've said before, we left you. But then you wanted us to be together without even considering what I want! I desperately want this to be the way it once was but after this... I don't think it can ever be."
He walks towards me, his face softer now. "Leave us."
The guards back away. "I'm sorry. I just want you to  care about me like you used to." He whimpers, putting his hand on my cheek. "Like I care about you. That never stopped. Not even when you forgot about me."
I back away, so mad at him. For once, he doesn't try and stop me.
I find myself fleeing through a maze of gardens.