(jaylor au) clandestine meetings in beautiful rooms

New York... Be Here

The doctor comes into the bathroom, and thankfully, I have pulled myself together. Austin isn't allowed in, and I make sure that the door is locked again.
I think that when people are lost they focus on certain things to keep them grounded. For me, I focus on the stars. They're brighter here than in New York.
"Alright, Miss Taylor." The Doctor says. "What seems to be the problem?" She asks. "Oh..." she looks at the blood. I refuse to cry. I can't cry. I can't be weak, not now. She rummages around in her bag, before telling me to lie down. I can't think straight, so I just let her tell me what to do.
"It appears as if you are having a miscarriage." She tells me and the words themselves make me feel sick. They make me feel nauseous. I was pregnant. I was... I close my eyes, feeling defeated.
I can't let myself fall apart. No. No. This can't be happening. I was pregnant. With Alexander's child. I can't calm myself down. This is all wrong. All of it.
"Joseph has sent me." The woman tells me, and it is these words that pull me back to earth, that force me to be strong.
"Please don't tell anyone about this." I tell her gently. My mother will be so disappointed. "Please. No one back home needs to know."
She continues to help me, promising that this will stay between us.
"What is he doing to you?" She asks, "You can trust me, I promise."
"He wants to take over New York together." I say quickly, my voice shaking. "Is Corinne okay? Is everyone else okay?"
The woman meets my eyes, probably wondering how I'm thinking about all of those things. It's because those are the things that are keeping me from falling apart completely.
"Corinne... passed away nine days ago. It was poison. I think that Prince Joseph has been burying himself in work trying to find you to lessen the pain he feels in his heart. But both he and Alexander have been working tirelessly to bring you home."
She helps me to get changed, to get comfortable. I can't focus on all of these things at once. I can't let myself be upset or mad or frustrated about it so I have to choose to focus on the fact that they are looking for me.
Before she leaves, she hands me a folded up piece of paper.
"Taylor, is everything alright?" Austin asks me, and I close my eyes, trying to gain control of my emotions.
"I'll... be... out in a minute! I'm okay!" I'm not okay. But now more than ever is when I need to fake it.
I'm scared to see what the note says. Scared to look. But it distracts me from the pain. I have to stay strong.
Taylor, we're coming. Dawn tomorrow, and you'll be free.
I turn it over, and there's something else written on it.
There are castles in her bones and armies in her soul, she was made to conquer Kings and all.
My eyes widen at the words. This is from Joe. Joe has sent me this. This is Joe's message, his reminder of my strength. I hold the paper close to my chest, needing those words. I breathe them in, because I need that strength. The reminder to keep fighting. To keep trying. Beneath it, are two initials, WB. I smile even wider, because that's the name that Joe told me when we first met each other.
It's enough to make me allow myself to shed a tear. I allow myself to cry for one minute. And then, I will be strong once more.

"Pull yourself together." I murmur. I have to be strong.
I scrunch the note up and hide it in my undergarments.
I won't tell anyone of what has happened today. Not yet, anyway. I will keep it to myself. I don't want anyone to know that I had a miscarriage and I certainly don't want my mother finding out. She'll be so disappointed in me. I couldn't cope with that now. Couldn't face her disappointment.
"Taylor." Austin calls my name again, his voice worried.
"Coming." I take a final deep breath, looking at my reflection in the mirror. I have to try and keep going, no matter how hard it may be.