Your Hold On Me

Chapter twenty

It was the weekend and I was out at the bar Evans was coming from the very first night we hung out together. It was right next to my job so it wasn't a hassle. I stepped in and sat down. I don't know how I got in. I'm only 19. I didn't look at anyone and waited for the bartender to come over to me.

"What would you like?"

I lifted my head and looked at him and then past him to the menu. He looked me up and down as he waited for my order

"Can I get a club soda."

He looked me up and down again and then handed me the drink.

"You know you look familiar?"

"Do i?" I said, gulping down the drink.

"Yeah, does your name happen to be Jada."

I put the bottle down on the counter.

"Yeah?"

"Oh shit your Evans girl!"

I looked down.

"Yeah."

"Wow he doesn't stop bringing you up jeez, he was just here let me go see if I can find him."

My heart sunk to the floor when I heard he was in here. The bartender left to go find him and I left cash for the drink and hurried out before I had to see him.

I got home home trying to convince myself I wasn't wrong. I came home, I was fine. Why did he still kick me out? Why did he still break up with me? I didn't mean to. I did it before and he didn't break up with me. He felt the same way. I probably made him cry again. I deserve this. I don't understand. It kills me to know he was right. I didn't understand. But I know I need him just as much as he needs me. I do. Then why do I leave without making sure he knows if I'm ok. I did this to him before. And my stupid ass did it again.

I didn't feel good about myself and whenever I was at my worst I took pictures of myself and sent them to Evans. He had asked me to do it before though I didn't know if he was looking at them. Before when I tried to call him, it would just go straight to voicemail. Even though he might not have been opening them, I sent some every week.

Sometimes I would text him. About my day. About taks i wanna get done. About anything. It was therapeutic, it helped me believe he was still in my life. None of the messages showed it was read.

Evans POV

"Hey man!"

Josh was my friend from high school, I didn't know he had come to la and one night I came into this bar and saw him behind the counter. A great coincidence that he was a bartender relatively close to the college I worked at. So I come here almost every day. At least now I do. I stopped coming here when I was with Jada.

"What is up." I was a little tipsy.

"Your woman Jada is here."

"Great I'm coming."

I was tipsy but I wasn't out of it. I wasn't going to go over there. I couldn't see her. I know she didn't want to see me.

I read all of them. Every text and saw every picture. Sometimes I would read them twice. It was like reading a story. I tried not to. I wasn't going to block her. I tried to get her out of my mind. I did everything to avoid her. I know she was looking for me. But eventually she stopped. I was glad she stopped. I needed her to stop.

She didn't understand. She didn't need me. It hurts to need somebody that doesn't need you. If I would have stayed with her she would have never left my sight. She would have been trapped with me. I couldn't do that to her. Because I knew she would have obeyed willingly.