If You Have To Ask

• Part 20 •

I woke up to the smell of burnt toast. I couldn't hear anyone so I decided to wrap myself in my blanket and go and investigate.
"Still can't even make toast huh" I leaned in the doorway watching John struggling with the toaster.

"Honestly 30 years old and I still can't make toast" he chuckled to himself placing it in the bin.

John and I where the same age which made us closer in some way. We knew everything about each other maybe even more than Anthony knew about either of us. We considered each other brother and sister.

"So how are you doing" John asked placing the fresh bread into the toaster.

"I'm doing okay" I said sitting down.

"I mean how are you really doing?" He sat down opposite me at the table.

"I don't know John it's all still surreal. I mean he's the love of my life but he put me through hell. I'm finally feeling like myself now, not like just like I'm getting by" I huffed as I placed my head into my hands. "I'll always love him but I need to know I can trust him and it's what he wants. I'm not getting any younger and I do want to settle down one day but I don't know John, I don't know." I looked at him with glossy eyes fighting back the tears.

"Oh honey I know" he said grabbing my hand from across the table as I wiped away a few escaped tears.

"Anyway I'm gonna jump in the shower before the guys wake up" I stood up and started to walk away.
"By the way Johnny" he looked up at me "your toast" I laughed walking off as I heard him shouted "Oh for fuck sake."
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After my shower, I went back to the main part of the bus and noticed all the guys were awake now.

"Morning gorgeous" Chad said getting up and kissing my cheek.

"Morning, hey before you sit down can we talk" Anthony jumped up, he seemed excited as he pulled me into the lounge area at the back of the bus. He shut the door and sat next to me on the couch.

"So we are going on a date" He had a big smile on his face as he took my hands into his.

"We are? When?" I asked excitedly.

"So we will get to New York tomorrow and we play Woodstock the night after. But then we have a couple of days in New York before we head to the next show. Soooo..." he had a cheeky grin on his face as he squirmed around a bit. "The night after Woodstock I will meet you at your hotel room at 12pm and we are doing to spend the day in New York. I have things planned so don't worry just dress casual." His eyes where full of love and of hope for us. I could see how excited he was and it made me feel so appreciated and loved. I was so excited for our date day.

"I can't wait Anthony." I said as I caressed his cheek.
Before I knew it he was pulling me in for a kiss. We sunk into each other as his hands worked there way through my hair. I don't know what came over me but I pulled myself on top of him straddling him. I wanted him then and there but I knew we had to wait. I knew we had to do it the right way this time.
His hands worked there way to my ass as I moved myself over the hardness in his pants.
We were interrupted my excited knocks on the door.

"Come on losers, we are here." I heard flea shout as I bit my lip moving myself off of Anthony.

"Think that's our cue" I patted his chest as we left to meet the guys outside.

As we stepped off the bus outside into the wilderness, I felt free. Like nothing could hurt me out here. We were followed by the foo fighters who were opening for us on the tour of America. I had met Dave when he was in Nirvana, so we were pretty cool. The other guys seemed really sweet as well but I wasn't as 'myself' id say as I was with Dave.

We decided to park the buses opposite each other and hook a big cover from our windows to there windows to create a sort of shelter where we all put our sleeping bags and blankets.

"Hey, put yours next to mine" Anthony whispered in my ear as his hands hooked themselves around my waist.

"Well Mr Kiedis, I would but your sleeping bag already has some company" I turned to face him pointing at Chad and fleas already placed sleeping bags right next to Anthony's.

"I'll move em" he started before I stopped him.

"No no it's okay. It'll stop any urges we may or may not have" I teased winking at him before walking back inside the bus.

I had brought my guitar. I don't know why but I felt like I should. It had a lot of sentimental value to me. After mine and Anthony spilt all those years ago, all I really had was John. After mine and johns stint in rehab, he bought me this guitar. We would sit up late at night in the apartment that we shared and write music, sing random songs and just mess around.
One day we decided to seal our friendship by singing my guitar.

(Flashback)

"Just made sure you spell it right" I laughed as I handed John a sharpie.

"God women you make it sound like I'm an idiot" he joked looked at me with eyes full of love. Platonic love that is.

"What are you even writing Johnny" I tried to peak but he wouldn't let me.

"Wait wait.... Okay now you can look" he turned the guitar to gave me and I could feel myself welling up.

'If all else fails, at least we have each other'

The quote he wrote reminded us of each other, because when all else failed we still had each other and we both knew we wouldn't be here without each other. We both carefully signed our names under the quote and embraced each other into a hug. I knew if I had John by my side, I'd be okay.
Little did I know that a week later John would relapse and completely go off the radar.

(End of flashback)

I hadn't showed John the guitar yet as that night was the last night he had seen it. But I knew I wanted to and I knew I wanted to write music again. I was pretty damn good at it.

"Hey John, can you come here a sec" I shouted out of the bus hoping he could hear me.

"What's up buttercup" he smiled as he entered the back of the bus where I was sitting.

He looked down and saw the guitar and a look of guilt flooded his face. He slowly came and sat himself next to me and engulfed me into a hug.

"I am so so sorry faye I really am" he sobbed into my shoulder as I tightened the hug between us.

"Hey hey, it's okay your okay now" I knew all the memories of those years ago had came flooding back and the argument we had when I found him using again.

"But I let you down, you of all people. You are the one I promised not to let down for the rest of my life and look what I did. I left you. You tried to help me and I left you." He was still sobbing while trying to wipe my now tear filled cheeks.

"But your here now and your better now. And you're never allowed to leave me ever again." I managed to get out now crying. A lot.

"I wanna write an album with you. Just us. Your the most important person in my life and I want to share our music with the world." He placed his cheeks at either side of my face staring deeply into my eyes.

"I'd love nothing more Johnny boy" I smiled as he giggled at my pet name.

We embraced each other once more and then he reached for my guitar. Tracing his fingers over the now faded sharpie he asked if he could take it outside to play and I happily allowed letting him know I'd be out in a minute.
Shortly after he left, Anthony came into the back of the bus where I was and without saying a word he knew the conversation me and John just had was a lot. He hugged me with more love than he has ever showed me before. He made me feel safe.

I could see us together again. Me and him against the world.
Or so I thought.