Forbidden Lovers (MewGulf AU)

🌞Chapter 30🌻

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Mew swallowed hard. He squeezed Gulf's hand harder. "Since when?"

How long had Gulf loved him?

"I don't know," Gulf confessed softly.

The comfortable feeling Gulf had felt for Mew had, without him knowing it, developed into something else in his heart. Before he had realzied it, he was always searching for Mew. He was fond of all of his students, but Mew was different. Mew had longed for him so innocently, Gulf found himself wanting to be closer to Mew. He wanted Mew to love him more than his other teachers. By the time Gulf realized it was love, it was no use---he wanted Mew so much it was driving him crazy.

But Gulf, who was in a position of authority, couldn't make the first move, so he had let himself be raped. He had silently flirted with Mew until Mew felt driven into a corner, until he was at his wit's end, until he couldn't handle it anymore. And finally, Gulf's wish had been granted.

"That day, I wanted it to happen," Gulf whispered. "And I thought it would end there, but..."

'I was filled with such evil desires I thought I couldn't hope for anything more. But I couldn't stop.'

"I thought you'd distance yourself from me after I said such terrible things to you here, but you instead came closer and closer. I was trying to give up on you, but you kept coming to look at my apartment everyday."

"Okay. So you liked it, and that's why you let me in that day with the pizza?" Mew asked.

He hadn't realized it at that time, but there was no way someone would let their rapist into their apartment. He should have realized that much sooner.

"So," Mew muttered as things became clearer, "in other words, you were using Teach Bright to make me jealous?"

"In a way, yes," Gulf confessed.

When Mew came to look at Gulf's apartment everyday, Gulf had wanted to keep him at a distance. But he felt that Mew was waiting for something, and he knew Mew wouldn't turn down an invitation to come inside. He hadn't known what to do, so he called Bright. He thought that if Mew saw Bright coming over, he'd finally give up on him. Or maybe he wanted Mew to see Bright to spur on his jealousy.

It might just be an excuse now, but Gulf never intended to use Bright as a stalking horse.

"Then why?" Mew asked. "If you loved me, why didn't you say so, Teach?"

"He loves you too."

And why did they have to break up?

"Because I'm still a teacher," Gulf explained. "I should have drawn the line."

"So that's why you couldn't tell me you loved me?" Mew demanded.

"I let my lust control me and I got mixed up with you," Gulf said. "No matter how unethical it was, I didn't want to lose the time I had with you. I enjoyed it. I was so happy. So I thought I should at least let it end as a game of make-believe, to atone for what I did."

"Atonement for what?" Mew exclaimed. "That doesn't make me happy at all!"

"Atonement for your furture," Gulf whispered.

"My future?" Mew echoed.

What did that mean?

"I realized that you really loved me," Gulf said. 'Then I thought, what happens when you don't love me anymore? I wanted to give you an excuse if you wanted to end it."

He had been afraid that their relationship would become unwanted baggage when Mew was ready for a new relationship. So even if it had been a false excuse, he'd wanted Mew to think he hadn't been serious about him. He didn't want to hurt him. He didn't want to leave any lasting scars.

He'd been forcing himself to think something like, 'well, he didn't love me back, so I can just chalk it up as a youthful indiscretion.'

"I wanted it to be something you could laugh about one day," Gulf continued.

Because isn't it kind of funny to think about having a one-sided love with another man?

He had just wanted to settle it that simply.

"But now you're saying stuff like your love life sucks..." Gulf began to sob.

He had worked so hard to protect Mew's future, but when Mew had told him goodbye and returned the watch Gulf had treasured so much, it felt like Mew was denying everything Gulf had done so much to protect. It was so painful. He felt so conflicted he just couldn't leave the room.

"Teach..."

Mew pulled Gulf close, and Gulf didn't resist. He buried his nose in Gulf's hair. It smelled fresh.

"Mew..."

"Yes?"

"You were so worried about your atonement, but you never had to do anything like that in the first place," Gulf said. "I'm the one who had to atone for what I did."

And that was why he had broken up with him. He believed he had to.

"Teach."

But...

"Teach."

Gulf never wanted to escape from the arms that held him again. "I'm so sorry, Mew."

"It's okay," Mew whispered.

It really was.

"Teach, give me an extension on playing lovers with you." Mew squeezed Gulf tightly. "I don't care if it's just for pretend, but go out with me until I graduate college, Teach."

'Gulf really does love me!'

"I'm bad at long distance relationships," Gulf replied.

"It's not that far," Mew pointed out. "Only an hour and a half by train."

'Maybe he loves me more than I love him.'

"I shouldn't have sold my car..." Gulf muttered.

"It's okay," Mew assured him. "This time I'll buy one."

'Teach.'

"What?" Gulf looked at Mew.

"I'm not in high school anymore, Teach," said Mew. "I have a driver's license now."

"Really? I guess you're right..." Gulf whispered.

'You're not in high school anymore.'

"Come on, give me an extension," Mew urged.

"On one condition," Guld said, starting to smile.

"If either of us have a change of heart before the time limit's up, it's over, right?" Mew finished for him.

"How did you know?" Gulf smiled.

"I love you, Gulf.".

"Me too, Mew."

They kissed each other deeply and fell onto the floor. Mew's brain felt like it was going numb from the rush of their first kiss after such a long time.

"Mew..."

At the sweet sound of Gulf's voice whispering his name, Mew held him close against his chest.

TBC