Endlessly - Young E. Grey

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TW: Cancer, Death, and Low Self Esteem/Degradation
*We're gonna pretend this is set in the present day, and Ellis doesn't have a husband or kid for the sake of the story :) Also, ignore the fact that she still has Thatcher's last name even though he doesn't exist...
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You whipped off your scrub cap and shoved it in the pocket of your pants after scrubbing out. You couldn't believe it. She was gone, just like that. The patient you had helped fight cancer for almost a decade went into emergency surgery and died.

You stormed through the halls, your eyes burning as you pulled your hair from the ponytail it had been in.

This is all my fault. I killed her. I must have screwed something up, and now she's dead. God, how could I be so stupid?!

The harsh words played over and over in your mind, repeatedly stabbing you in the chest and making your heart ache. You knocked on the wooden door in front of you, entering and shutting the door behind you when a muffled 'come in' was heard.

"I'm really busy right now, but I'll be with you in just-" You cut her off.

"Ellis," you whispered, your voice cracking as one of the many tears you had been working so hard to hold back slipped down your cheek. Her head shot up from her work and her brows furrowed.

"Y/n? What's wrong?" She lifted her hand and gestured for you to come nearer, taking your hand and pulling you into her lap when you did. She wrapped her arms around you tightly as you buried your face into her chest.

"She's d-dead," you cried. You grabbed the front of her blouse and held it with almost superhuman strength, your entire body trembling with the intensity of your emotions.

"Who, my sweet girl? Who died?" she asked gently, beginning to stroke your back as she did so. She knew the little touches helped calm you when you were upset or stressed.

You attempted to stutter out an explanation, only to begin crying harder.

"Okay, breathe for me, y/n. I need you to take a deep breath in with me, alright? Breathe in, 1, 2, 3, 4, and hold, 1, 2, 3, 4. Breathe out, 1, 2, 3, 4," Ellis started. She continued the exercise until you had calmed down, giving you a small smile and kiss on the forehead. "Good job, baby. Now, what has you so worked up?"

"Do you remember my cancer patient, Rosella?"

"The one with the cute family you're always showing me pictures of?" You nodded. "Yes, I remember her, why?" she questioned, her brows furrowing once again. As far as she knew, Rose had been improving over the last few weeks.

"We had to take her into emergency surgery and she..."

"She what, sweet girl?"

"She died," you whimpered. "And it's all my fault."

"Oh, y/n, no. This isn't your fault. These sorts of things happen all the time, and it's awful, but you have to remember that you did everything you could. You helped her fight her cancer from the beginning, and I know for a fact that she was so grateful for that. You gave that wonderful woman years of her life back. Because of you, y/n, she got to see her oldest granddaughter graduate high school and see her youngest be born. Please don't doubt yourself, my sweet girl," she assured as she brushed her fingers through your hair.

"I still feel like I failed. Maybe if I had done something different, or... or, I don't know-"

Ellis could tell you were beginning to spiral once more, and the only way left to make you stop was one that she hated: being tough. She had tried the gentle touches and encouraging words, but none of it worked. This was her only option.

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