Royal Games

Chapter 34

The fresh air hits me immediately as we exit the marquee, making me realise just how cramped and stifling it is inside. Partially hidden by clouds, the half moon casts a dull light across campus. Already the joyful sounds of the ball are muffled. A few other people wander around outside, but, mostly, we are alone.

Isaac leads me over to a nearby bench.

"I'm sure you already know this, but I'm going home tomorrow. Are you coming with me or...?" Isaac trails off, seemingly unable to fathom the possibility that I might stay here.

"I'm coming with you. If that's still alright?" I answer.

"Of course." He rests a hand on my knee. "I'm glad I get to spend Christmas with you."

"So am I." I say, before letting out a long sigh.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong. The problem is that everything's right. The past couple of days finally feel like I'm living a normal life. I know I should just enjoy it, but I can't help feeling like something's about to go terribly awry."

Isaac starts slowly stroking my knee, rubbing his hand soothingly up and down. "Ally, you can't control the world around you, you can only control your reactions to it. Even if something bad does happen, you're prepared for it. Don't bog yourself down with things that haven't happened yet."

"Yet." I repeat, thinking of the inevitable. My mum will never stop searching for me. I definitely don't want a repeat of the last time one of her assassins found me. I shiver at the thought of his lifeless body.

"You shouldn't be so pessimistic." Isaac says, his voice low.

"I'm not." I insist. "I'm being realistic. This is my life now; anticipating the next attack."

"But you just got caught up in a bit of a mess. Surely it was only a fluke when you were attacked here." He means to be reassuring, but he doesn't truly understand what he's talking about.

I sigh again. "Isaac. There's more to it than you realise."

"I shouldn't need to remind you; you can tell me anything."

I hesitate. It's so tempting to tell him who I really am, why I'm being tracked down. I know he cares about me and would protect me. But...

"I can't put you in that kind of danger. I'm sorry, Isaac, but there are some things I simply can't say."

"So does that mean there really is someone after you? It's not just the princess they're after? Or can you not even tell me that?" Isaac simply sounds curious. Thankfully, I don't think he's mad at me for still keeping secrets from him.

"I..." How much of the truth can I give him? "Yes. They are after me too."

"You should've said something sooner." He swears. "All this time I thought the theatre was an isolated attack. I thought that once you could move past it in your mind, that would be it; you could have a normal life again. I never realised..." Isaac turns away from me, instead looking up to the stars.

"It's alright. I'm alright." I say. I rest my head on his shoulder, watching the stars too. The constellations here are different to on Topia. I spot different shapes, shapes I've only ever seen in books before.

Neither of us talk for a few minutes. We merely enjoy each other's company. Relax in the chilly night air. I'm extremely grateful my dress is from Topia; I would be absolutely freezing if the fabric wasn't enchanted. I am by no means warm, but at least I'm not shivering from the cold.

"The stars are almost as beautiful as you." Isaac says, disrupting the quiet with his velvety voice.

I don't want to reply. If I do, I fear what he'll say next. After several moments, I decide to ignore his compliment.

"Do you ever think about how far away the stars are?" I wonder aloud. "Like, some of them could take you your entire life to reach, even flying at top speeds."

"I've never really thought about it before. But now that you've brought it up... The universe is such a massive place, and we only explore a tiny pocket of it. I mean, Earth and Topia aren't actually very far apart at all. Like, sure, there are different star patterns, but it's the same stars visible. They're simply viewed from different angles."

"Yeah. It's like the constellation of Orion." I point out the three stars in a line that make up his belt. "His body makes up the hourglass constellation visible on Topia. But the stars that make up the rest of Orion, like his hunting bow, form other constellations."

"Impressive, isn't it? How such distant balls of light can mean so much."

"Look!" I exclaim suddenly, lifting my head off Isaac's shoulder. I point towards a tiny burst of brilliant white light races across the inky sky. "Did you see it?" I ask excitedly as the light disappears again.

"I did." Isaac answers in amazement.

We turn to look at each other. Awe is written across his face. I wouldn't be surprised if my own expression mirrors his.

Isaac leans slowly towards me. Is he going to kiss me? What should I do? Am I ready for this?

I allow him to lean in closer and closer. Close enough to breathe in the scent of alcohol on his breath. I suppose my breath must smell the same. Desire and emotional instability war inside me. I think I might actually let him kiss me. I want him to do it. Isaac's lips are millimetres from mine. I pull away from him.

"I'm sorry." I apologise hastily, gazing back up at the stars. I fiddle with my shaky fingers. "I just can't."

"Is it me?" Worry and upset fill Isaac's voice.

"No. No. Of course not." I look back to his sapphire eyes and almost melt in front of him. "I simply can't give you the emotional attention you want at the moment. Maybe if my..." I almost said if my mum was dead. Dead. Is that really what I want to happen? It could be the only way to stop her coming after me. But could I really kill her?

Tears well up in my eyes as I think of the family I feel I've already lost.

"Ally?" Isaac looks as though he wants to give me a hug, but he hesitates.

"It's not you." I assure him. "It's everything. I... I'll be fine." The first tear streaks down my cheek. "Go back to the party." I stand up as another tear falls. Isaac stands too. "I'll meet you tomorrow."

I walk back to Ash House.

"Ally!" Isaac calls after me, but makes no attempt to follow.

I cry into my bed for what feels like the hundredth time this year. I cry for all I've lost. I cry for all I can't have. But most of all, I cry for the loss of my mum. I grieve for a death yet to happen. Because I can't go on like this.

I finally realise that one of us has to die.