Royal Games

Chapter 14

In my afternoon lecture, I focus on the words spoken by the professor and take notes. Nothing else matters enough to pay any attention to. I put on a few fake smiles as I pass people, but I make no other attempt to acknowledge the presence of other students.

Eliza, Megan, and Zoey notice my vacant expressions and distant words. They can't snap me out of the void I've fallen into. They try to figure out what's wrong, and it's obvious they don't believe my insistence that 'I'm fine'. I cast out my magic and confirm that they are all unseelie; I can't even give them any of the fake story I've given Isaac.

I remain in a bubble of nothingness all week. I don't make any more friends than the people I met on the first day. I don't care.

Isaac tries to coax me out of my dull mood, but I avoid him as much as I can. He sends texts me regularly all week. Some cheery. Some concerned. I ignore them all.

At the first feminist society meeting on Wednesday, the enthusiasm I normally feel in relation to activism isn't there. It wouldn't make a difference if the society helped the environment or animals; there's just no passion. Something inside me is broken. Zoey does a lot more speaking at the meeting than I do.

Occult society's first meeting is on Friday. Eliza keeps giving me troubled looks as we walk there together. She doesn't attempt to say anything to me.

When we reach the entrance (an old cellar revamped for various societies to use), we have pentagrams stamped in black ink onto our writing hands as a form of initiation. Definitely witchcraft.

To begin with, we are left to chat amongst ourselves. I do minimal talking. But the main event is a spell demonstration involving a chalk circle and lots of candles. Witchcraft spells are almost always fake, but strong enough belief in a spell does create the possibility for it to work. The demonstration spell is supposed to make everyone in the room feel at peace. It doesn't work. I clap politely when it's finished, with another fake smile just for show.

"Hi." A girl with a dragon tattoo visible on her right arm comes up to me. She shakes my hand. "I'm Madison."

"I'm Ally." I say non-committedly.

Madison leans in to whisper, "I can feel your magic. I'm seelie too." My eyes widen, but I don't react any further. "We're the only seelies here. There were two others last year, but one graduated and the other's on a placement year."

"Is there any real magic around here?" I try to sound curious, but my voice comes out flat.

"Plenty of books hidden away. Some potions. A few enchanted items."

"Hi Mads." Eliza greets, coming over to us. "We met at Bar One on the first night." She addresses me. "And Ally also lives in Ash House like me." She explains to Madison.

"Hey Eliza. We were just discussing possible spells to try." Madison lies smoothly.

"Right." Eliza sounds unsure, but she doesn't comment on the distance I've shown since the first day. "Well, I've always wanted to try making a love potion."

"No! I mean, wouldn't you rather love was natural, instead of forced?" Madison attempts to deter Eliza, without being able to explain that love magic is mostly forbidden. We both know that love creates the strongest magic, meaning that magic can't create love. The closest thing magic can create is infatuation. True love can only ever come naturally.

"I guess. I just want someone to notice me for once, not my friends. Even if it's only for one night."

"Then be bold. Use confidence to grab someone's attention." Madison advises.

A week ago, I would've given similar advice. Now, I stay silent. Let the world keep moving around me. I hardly say anything else for the rest of the meeting.

Afterwards, I pull Madison to one side for a private word.

There's a package waiting at Ash House when I get back. It's addressed to me. In my room, I open it to find my new credit card. There is no flood of relief, despite hardly having any cash left.

I sit down at my desk and do something I've been putting off. I write a letter to my dad. Before, I was too emotional to find the right words. Now, I easily state the facts of what happened on my birthday night. I include my suspicions and warnings. It's safer not to mention my plans or where I am.

I fold up the letter and seal it in an envelope with my dad's name already written on.

When I'm done, I grab a spell book I got from Madison's stash. I flip to the already-bookmarked page and read aloud:

"Message meant only for two eyes, send to someone alone in disguise."

The envelope in my hand bursts into flames. It burns away into nothing. I only hope it reaches its destination.

Under normal circumstances, the familiar tingle of magic would feel comforting. Now it only serves as a reminder of my past. I can't escape magic; that was never the plan. But having to hide it creates a distance between me and Topia. Tonight, it feels like I've bridged the distance. I'm beginning to think I will never be free of the dangerous deceit and grievous games of court life.

I flick through the spell book again. I open up the notes app on my phone and type in any spells I think might come in handy in the future. You can never be too prepared, and I intend to learn as many spells as I can; there's only so much magic a person can do with their hands alone.