A Reckless Bet.

Everly 17 - dealing with past feelings

With shortness of breath.
I'll try to explain the infinite.
How rare and beautiful it is to even exist.

Taking a deep breath I turned around, just when we had reached the gate leading to the cemetery. "We're here."

I noticed surprise flashing over his face. But I knew he'd understand this.

"Zarah's grave right?" He softly asked, taking my hand to intertwine our fingers.

"Yes." Barely a whisper left my lips as I led him towards her grave.

The town we lived in had really old roots, the history of the town was something we all learned about in our local school. But as the town had been existing for a while now, it meant there also had to be a big cemetery.

Throughout all the years the forest and the land behind the main centre of it, had been purchased by our towns government so the cemetery could expand.

As Zarah's death was fairly recent, her grave was positioned at the very back of the cemetery, causing us having to walk a bit.

"Ev, can I show you something after?" Kendrick asked, not daring to look me in the eye.

Even though I wasn't sure what that was about, I squeezed his hand, "Of course."

After we passed through the trees we finally reached the yard where Zarah's grave was.

I walked slower and slower until I completely stopped walking. The closer we got, the more I wanted to back out of this plan. The last time I had been here was around a year and a few months ago, when Ryder had found me here.

I usually wasn't the one to avoid places that had made me feel bad one time, but that time had imprinted on me. I despised the fact that Ryder had made me feel like that but I could've faced my fears earlier on instead of always pushing it forward. Now I'm here, stuck, because it felt like this step was one too big.

"Hey Ev." Kendrick softly spoke up, making me realize he had been holding me. That he had been waiting patiently with me, without saying a single word.

He lifted my head with both his hands on my cheeks. "It's gonna be alright, okay? Whenever you're ready."

After a quiet moment I nodded, my eyes prickling. Fighting back the tears I sighed, "I'm sorry I just get super emotional every time around here."

Kendrick shook his head, "Don't be sorry, its okay. Its natural."

Still holding my hand he followed me towards the grave. I never trusted anyone enough to show them Zarah's grave, but I finally had someone I could actually trust. I really trusted Kendrick.

"Its this one." I muttered, shocked at the look of her grave. It hadn't been cleaned in a long time from what I could see.

I let go of Kendricks hand and let myself fall on my knees. Picking the weeds from around the grave between the small stones I started talking.

"I'm sorry for not coming here earlier. I really missed you. There's no excuse, I just was too scared."

Looking at the dark grey headstone my heart sank. Barely a whisper came through my lips, not able to keep my tears from rolling down my cheek. "I miss you and I'm sorry."

The words engraved into the stone were overgrown with moss but you could still read what it said. As if I still needed to read it to know what it said.

'One inviting heart.
One warming soul.
One bright mind.

She lived like there was no tomorrow.
She lived like she never lived before.
She lived for everyone.