A Reckless Bet.

Ryder 3 - to agonize

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t r i g g e r   w a r n i n g !   SH - - so beware and read at your own risk

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wednesday - 11.49pm

Putting the razor away I focused all of my attention onto my bleeding thigh. A few drops of blood seeped out of the cuts and probably stained the carpet.

Picking up the razor again I cut again, this time deeper, the flesh ripping away from the blade.

A hiss escaped my lips as the agony finally met with my brain. It hit me like a truck, driving me over again and again.

But the truth was that I enjoyed it, all of it.

I enjoyed seeing the blood seep out of the wounds. I enjoyed feeling the agony taking over my emotions.

I loved being the one in control over the pain.

My thoughts fell over each other at such a high rate I couldn't really get a grip on reality anymore. My sight was blurry as I got up and stumbled towards the cabinet on the other side of my room.

I didn't care that I felt the blood stream down my leg, to eventually hit the floor and stain it.

As soon as the needle of my record player hit the record, the melodies twirled through the air and hit my ears like soft cotton balls. I walked backwards to let myself fall down upon my bed.

The words filled my head as if trying to overpower my feelings.

I'm bigger than my body
I'm colder than this home
I'm meaner than my demons
I'm bigger than these bones

A slight smirk took over my lips at the lyrics of the songs, they felt true.

Staring into the dark I focused on the lyrics which overpowered the harsh feeling in my legs.

And all the kids cried out, "Please stop, you're scaring me"
I can't help this awful energy
God damn right, you should be scared of me
Who is in control?

Me. I truly felt like I was the one in control. Like I finally owned myself.

"I'm in control." I whispered, tasting the bitter foreignness of the words.

I was tired of pretending I wasn't in control, just see how good I had scared off Everly that time at the graveyard. I loved knowing she was scared of me.

My insides were hurting from all the build up anger. It was all her fault. It was her fault my life was a mess. Her fault that I was a mess.

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I closed my eyes tiredly, only to open them moments later.

"No, no you aren't in control." A sharp voice cut through the air, the song moving to the background immediately.

Startled I tilted my head upwards to look around, I'd swear I was alone in my room just a moment ago.

My eyes scanned my room to find rest upon her, sitting on top of the cabinet.

Everly. Her eyes glinted with an unrecognizable emotion, the left side of her mouth turned up.