Remember May (GxG)

22. Touch Me, Hold Me

I had been avoiding her since that day. I knew she would've found me so much sooner had she not been wary of my mother and at that point I was grateful for that.

But I could only hide for so long.

She all but cornered me on my way back home from the market and demanded to go inside with me upon learning that I was home alone.

Regardless of how I felt, she still meant a lot to me and I had missed her.

Once we got to my room, I immediately locked the door in precaution before hopping onto my bed.

"Let's leave," she said after a while, a bottle of fanta clutched tightly in her fingers.

"What?"

"Let's leave, you and me."

"Are you crazy? You want us to elope?"
She then jumped from her seat to sit next to me, too close to me.

"I hate this town. Everyone is so pretentious and small minded," she continued dreamily, "we could live on a farm in a small cabin. There would be a stream down the farm and we'd bathe in it at sunset, it wouldn't matter even if somebody saw us because it would be just you and me. We could keep chickens even though we'd both be afraid of them. You can be my lesbian lover."

At that, I felt the coke I'd been sipping on go down the wrong pipe and down to my lungs immediately throwing me forward in a coughing bout.

"What did you just say to me?" I asked once I had recovered.

"Fine, we'll keep ducks but you'll feed them instead, " she continued as if I hadn't been coughing my guts out for two minutes, or as if she hadn't said that.

"Zahra," I scolded.

"What? You think I'm stupid? I see how you look at me," she laughed sinking to her knees in front of me, "I notice even though you think I'm not looking."

I could feel my hands trembling at the close proximity alone and adding onto her words, I was about to pass out.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I mumbled, silently wondering where she'd gotten this new found confidence from. Last time I'd checked, she was okay with whatever I could give and that was far from what she had been suggesting.

"Oh," she said tilting her head back and I thought she'd move back but she didn't.

Not taking her eyes off mine, she leaned down, her warm breath gently falling upon my hand that rested on my knee.
Unable to take my eyes off her, I watched open mouthed as she took my hand in hers and guided it to her lips, slowly letting her warm mouth envelope my fingers.

I shut my eyes letting my head fall back in a small gasp as she moaned lewdly around my fingers letting her tongue flick over the top of my middle finger.

I wanted to tell her to stop, that whatever that was was wrong but I didn't. How could I when I enjoyed every second of it? How could I reject her when I could slowly feel myself coming undone, shamelessly moaning when I felt the wetness between my legs? All from such a simple touch.

As if spurred on by the involuntary noise I let out, she slowly guided her other hand up along my thigh causing me to jerk back as I hazily came down from my momentary high.

"What do you think you're doing?" I asked forcefully pushing her back.

"Bub, come on," she said almost begging me.

"I'm not like you," I sneered before I could stop the words.

In true Zahra fashion, she laughed, more than I'd ever seen her do before, "oh my dear," she heaved wiping the tears from the corners of her eyes. "You can fool everyone in this town, hell you can fool yourself all you like, bub, but I see right through you. You and I know what you are, you're just like me, if not worse."

"You've lost your mind," I snapped trying to control my anger, "you're crazy, that's what you are."

"Then why did you kiss me?"

My heart skipped a beat and I was suddenly overwhelmed by the urge to throw up. "W-what?"

"You know what I'm talking about. I thought that you'd finally come to your senses but I guess I was wrong," she said as she angrily shoved her jacket and phone inside her bag and I didn't have the strength to stop her even though I really wanted to. "Come find me when you're done being a coward."

She leaned down to give me a hug, like she did every time we parted. Only this one felt like it was done out of obligation and it hurt for some reason.

I cried. More than I ever had in my life. So much that I thought my head would split in half from the pain. My eyes swelled up so much that I could barely see.

I barely registered my mother coming into my room a few hours later, fervently asking what was wrong.

I threw myself at her feet and cried to her, "Ma, I can't stop it. I'm sorry but I can't. You have to help me, please mama."

She pulled me up into her arms as she whispered sweet nothings into my ear, "I'll get you the help you need. It's going to be okay."

I couldn't stop crying. Not because of the disappointment in my mum's face, not because of the shame I felt.

I cried because I realised that everything Zahra had said was what I wanted.

I wanted to run away with her, to live with her. I wanted that exact dream that she had, provided she came with it. I wanted to hold her, to dance with her and put flowers in her hair because she was all mine. I wanted to be hers. I was in love with her. She was the only thing in my life that made sense and she was the one thing I couldn't have.

A/N:
I want to hug this poor confused child 😭😭😭😭
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-Reign 💛