4:52am
It's been a while guys. This chapter needs a huge trigger warning. Ahead there will be talk about self harming and if you can't handle that please skip this chapter. I was informed last night my father will be moving in with my brothers soon. I don't know if I can take this. I feel like self harming all the time, and I don't want to be here anymore. I'm so close to a year, but I don't know if I'll make it.
When my dad moves in I will go numb, I'll have to put on my mask and pretend I have emotions around him. My friends won't want to come over because of him and I won't want to be home. I feel like I'm going blank even now.
I can't sleep because I can't handle the thought of being around him everyday. The amount of noise is going to increase. I hate living with my older brothers they fucked me up years ago and they can't reverse it. A few nights ago I went into a dark place and pretty much wrote a will that included everyone but my father. He doesn't know how much I hate him and until I can move out he won't know how much I hate him. I want to cut contact with him as soon as I can but that probably won't be for another 4 years when I'm done with high school and am 18 so I can legally move out.
This is it for now.
Remember if you need to rant go to the comments or private message me.
Stay safe and healthy my little demons. Baii
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My Sober Start
RandomThe cover was found on Pinterest. All rights go to the owner Just a small journal that I'll update every once in awhile so I can keep track of my streak. This has mentions of self harm (I'm trying to stop cutting) so don't read if this will trigger...
