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Chapter Sixty-Two: Sparks

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My feet echoed against the polished marble floors as I shuffled down the massive hallway toward the throne room. There was a lump in my throat and my chest felt heavy. But I knew I had to do this.

"Alivia," Odin smiled warmly as I entered and strode toward the throne. "How wonderful to see you again. Are you here to return my son? Or has he come to his senses and decided not to remain in his cell?"

"Loki—There was..." I didn't know how to get the words out. "We were looking into the source of my powers... They came from my mother. There was another like me—They created a formula that imbued him with my powers. They killed my mother. And Loki—He—"

I breathed in sharply, blinking back the fresh tears that threatened to spill over. I was surprised I had any left to shed after having spent a week locked away in my room crying.

"Loki," Odin began, lips pressing into a thin line, "He is dead, then."

He said it like a statement, not a question. But I nodded anyways.

"I'm so sorry," I said, my voice hoarse. "He died saving me. I should never have asked for his help, it was selfish."

"Selfish?" Odin asked, leaning forward.

I looked up. There was curiosity on his face. A line between his brows. But he didn't seem overly torn apart by the death of his son. Then again, I guess the two of them had had quite the falling out.

I swallowed. "I don't think we needed his help dealing with Ultron. In fact, I know we didn't. I used it as an excuse to see him. To get him out of his cage. I told myself we needed his help, that he would better our chances, when really he only added another uncertainty, another possible enemy. I wouldn't let myself think about the real reason I came here for him."

Odin was silent, and I realized he wanted me to go on. I lowered my eyes back to the ground, wringing my hands. "Your son was good Odin. He had darkness in him, the same as everyone else. But he was good. And I—" I choked the words out, "I loved him."

My gaze flickered momentarily to Odin. He'd pulled back in surprise. I couldn't really read his expression. I felt my ears and cheeks heat up in shame. But Loki was dead, and it felt wrong to continue to lie about the feelings I knew I had for him.

Because I did love him. Had loved him.

"I'm sure he felt the same," Odin said suddenly, his own voice a little uneven.

I shook my head, a breathy laugh escaping my lips. "He didn't. Told me as much more times than I care to recount. But I know I loved him. And I know he was good." I looked up again momentarily, meeting Odin's stare, "He takes after his mother that way."

There was a faint twitch of a smile, but it vanished so quickly I wasn't sure whether I'd seen it at all.

"Do not trouble over Thor," Odin said, "I will tell him."

I nodded. "Thank you."

I was grateful for that. I couldn't bear the idea of having to tell Thor his brother was dead. That, like his mother, I'd done nothing to stop it. I'd been there both times, and both times I hadn't been able to save them.

It was knowledge that ate away at my heart every waking hour.

"What will you do now?" Odin asked. "Where will you go?"

My jaw hardened.

I hadn't used my powers since the warehouse. Since I'd burned Van Leer to ash and bone, destroyed his research, destroyed his experiments, destroyed his serums, destroyed it all.

Not only had my powers gotten away from me again. Now, using them brought images of my mother to mind. Images that were painful, images that made me lose control. I couldn't stop myself from imagining her, strapped to a table, poked, prodded, tested, alone. I couldn't help but think of Van Leer, Alessandro, Loki.

It felt like I'd done a full circle. I was right back where I'd started, terrified of my powers once again.

"I don't know. Go back to Italy, maybe. I don't think I'll stay with the Avengers. I don't think I can."

Odin nodded, sighing. "Asgard's doors are always open to you, Alivia."

I startled. There was something about the way he'd said my name that made me think of Loki. It shouldn't have surprised me so much. They were father and son. But still, a chill crept down my spine.

I only nodded my head. Then, I bid him goodbye and turned from the room, eager to leave. I didn't want to think of Loki any longer.

"Alivia," Odin's voice made me pause. There was a drawn out silence. Then, "Nothing. Be well."

I tried not to let my eyes linger on any of the spots Loki and I had once shared intimate moments, laughs, adventures. But I couldn't help but to eye the storage closet when I passed it. The stairs that led to my room. The hallway that led to the banquet hall. The water where the two of us had taken a boat.

Tears blurred my vision by the time I made it to the Bifrost.

I had a sinking feeling that I wouldn't get to see all of those places again. That I wouldn't get to see Asgard again. The thought of returning felt too painful. Too empty.

When Heimdall returned me to earth, I appeared in the large field that surrounded the right side of the compound.

I stared up at it, weighing my options. Odin's question still lingered at the back of my mind. What was I going to do? Where would I go now?

If I wasn't going to use my powers again, then how exactly did I plan to stay on as a member of the Avengers?

I looked down at my palm.

Biting the inside of my cheek, I summoned a flame. It flickered uneasily in and out of existence, and I knew I had to let go of my hesitance and restraint. I needed to loosen the reigns.

But the thought of allowing my fire to become more wild, more powerful, brought terrifying images to mind. It brought the sound of Van Leer's agonized screams. The smell of burning flesh. The feeling of grief, rage. Being out of control.

I let the flame disappear, looking to the compound again. I couldn't stay here.

Suddenly, sparks flew up to the right of me, and I whirled. Bright orange sparks spun in a circle at my feet, and for a moment I was terrified that I was doing it.

But then, the sparks vanished, and nothing but a folded slip of paper remained in the centre of the circle of sparks.

Gingerly, I stooped to pick it up, unfolding it and scanning the words.

117A Bleecker Street.

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