Welcome to the Potato Cult

06. The Purple Dick Scenario

"Tell me, Anqi: Why am I wearing a pot on my head again?"

It was the darkest of all darkest nights in Qing Chun village. Anqi and her crew blindly waddled on the dirt roads in militant formation. Upon Anqi's request, Xiai was wearing a pot on her head. Even Anqi was wearing a pot on her head. In their hands, the spray cans clanked softly.

"It's for protection," Anqi replied. "Just in case one of them comes out and attacks us, we need to be well-protected."

"Why not just wear a helmet?" Chen Jue piped up from the back of the formation.

"Because it's hot and inconvenient," Anqi replied.

"Aren't pots more inconvenient, though?" Zhang Yu whispered to Naiwan.

"Exactly!" Naiwan whispered back. "I have no idea what that nut case is up to."

The crew kept on marching along. Cai Zhuoyi, on the other hand was counting footsteps. Anqi made her count the number of steps to Keran's house during the day. Exactly 2,356 steps, Zhuoyi had counted. But in the dark, everything seemed a little... murky.

"Two-thousand-three-hundred-one," Zhuoyi counted. "Two-thousand-three-hundred-three."

"Hold up, hold up!" Anqi stopped her as they kept walking. "How did you go from two-thousand-three-hundred-one to two-thousand-three-hundred-three?"

"Uh... Magic?" Cai Zhuoyi grinned in the dark.

"Oh my god! I shouldn't have trusted you with counting!" Anqi groaned. "I forgot you failed kindergarten twice."

"It's actually thrice!" Zhuoyi proudly declared.

"Oh, fucking hell!" Anqi cussed. "Nevermind! I'll just do the counting myself!"

What Anqi forgot to consider, however, was that she was much shorter than Zhuoyi; five centimeters, in fact. This, by default, made both her legs and strides shorter than Zhuoyi's. So, Zhuoyi's 2,356 steps is much further than Anqi's 2,356 steps. But Anqi forgot to consider that. She was never that good at math anyway, except when it comes to money.

"Two-thousand-three-hundred-fifty-five," Anqi counted. "And two-thousand-three-hundred-fifty-six!!"

The crew stopped marching.

"Turn left!" Anqi ordered.

Everyone turned left except one very confused person.

"Which side is left?" Zhang Yu asked. "I can't make an 'L' with my hands."

"For fuck's sake!" Anqi muttered underneath her breath. "Just try, okay?!"

"Okay."

And so, the crew began walking towards what they assumed was Keran's house, except Zhang Yu, of course, who walked in the opposite direction.

"Hey, Anqi," Xiai whispered. "Why does her yard smell so much like cow shit?"

"No idea," Anqi replied. "Fertilizer, maybe?"

"Are we sure we're at the right place though?" Naiwan asked again. "This place smells way too much like Daimeng's farm."

"Impossible!" Anqi exclaimed as she patted a smooth surface in the dark. "Daimeng doesn't have a car this good! Girls, take out your spray cans and let's get spraying!"

Upon Anqi's order, everyone took out their spray cans and blindly sprayed dick doodles all over "Keran's" car. Zhang Yu, who was still walking in the opposite direction, called out to them.

"Guys?" she hollered. "Where are you?"

"Over here!!!" Fu Ruqiao hollered back. "We are here-"

"WOOF WOOF WOOF!!!"