Welcome to the Potato Cult

15. The Grand Finale

Anqi was ready. All her weapons were polished. All her supporters were gathered. All that's left is for her and her crew to depart for a not-so long march towards Lu Keran's house. Anqi looked at her assembly with pride. She would surely be able to defeat that capitalist pig. And so, the small restaurant owner stood herself on a soapbox and yelled into a megaphone (which was quite unnecessary based on how loud she was at times).

"Villagers of Qing Chun village!" she screamed, the megaphone following the sentence with a loud screech of its own. "I need your attention!"

"The boss has spoken!" Fu Ruqiao amplified, shushing the crowds.

"We stand here today," Anqi began, "not because we want to but because we have to. There is a capitalist pig among us, and that capitalist pig comes with malicious intentions."

The crowd burst into roars of rage. Fu Ruqiao and Cai Zhuoyi shushed them. Anqi continued.

"The capitalist pig wants to demolish our village! She wants to grab our ancestral lands from our hands and turn it into one of those ugly urban scenes her company builds. So far, she's so close to succeeding. In fact, she's using an innocent villager as a stepping stone to do this! A poor, innocent farmer named Lin Fan has been introduced to sinful carnal pleasures in the name of being girlfriends by that witch!"

The crowd, including Nineone, gasped in horror.

"Yes! It is horrifying! As dutiful citizens, we should not let this happen! We must rescue her from the evil hands of that capitalist pig! We must rescue our ancestral lands from that evil witch!"

The crowd murmured in agreement.

"Lu Keran is nothing but a spineless capitalist. That motherfucker is a greedy bitch! A greedy bitch who ruins the innocence of pure souls! A witch! A monster! A Satanist! A-"

"Hey, boss!" Duan Xiaowei hollered from the middle of the crowd. "Can you please cut the insults short? We're three minutes behind schedule.

"Thank you, Xiaowei," Anqi glared daggers at her. "My point is, any decent human being would try to stop this horrible, terrible bigot from further exploiting us! We shall march to her house and demand both Lin Fan and our rights back! And we will do this with such speedy vigor that she won't even see it coming! Who's with me?"

The crowd roared in agreement. Anqi smiled triumphantly.

"Good! Now MARCH!"

~

"Oh damn, she called you every single insult ever written!" Xiaotang laughed as she slapped Keran on the back. "And she did that on top of her lungs with that giant megaphone for the whole village to hear!"

"I'm okay," Keran whimpered. "My ego is okay."

"What she means is her ego is bruised beyond repair," Shaking translated for others.

"If someone insulted me in front of half the village, my ego would be that bruised, too," Diamond whispered.

"Hello? Keran?" came Xiai's voice from Keran's walkie-talkie. "We just turned the corner of the street. Be ready in standby position."

"Roger," Keran spoke into the walkie-talkie and then turned to her friends. "Guys, get our people ready. They're approaching."

"Roger that!" Yu Yan hollered and then turned to the crowd Diamond assembled. "People, the delusional bunch are coming to destroy us!"

The crowd gasped in horror and went into panic mode. Keran raised a brow at Yu Yan.

"Really?" she asked. "Watch me. SILENCE!"