Flames of Cobalt and Crimson

Bridging (Part 1)

Cassian

The gentle light of morning spilled into the room as I blinked awake, my gaze immediately going to the male at my side. His shadows blanketed him, his face a serene mask as he slumbered, and I was glad to see the dark circles beneath his eyes had lessened, indicating he'd had a restful night. I allowed myself to drink in the way Azriel's chest rose and fell, the deep, even rhythm of it, and my fingers itched to brush the hair back from his forehead.

I frowned as I considered what might happen when he awoke. Would he be embarrassed that I took care of him the night before? Would he be angry? I hoped not; it had been as natural as breathing for me to undress and bathe him, to hold him in my arms as we slept, and my stomach dropped at the thought that maybe he would resent my presence in what was clearly a fragile emotional state. He hadn't spoken a word in the entire time he'd been back, and there was so much I wanted to talk with him about.

As though he could hear me thinking about him, Azriel's eyes opened, and he stretched like a contented cat, arching his back and flexing his wings slightly before meeting my stare. His beautiful lips curled up at the corners and his shadows brushed affectionately over me, leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake. I reached a tentative hand out to him and he responded immediately, leaning in to press a soft kiss against my lips as I lightly curled my fingers into his hair.

"Good morning," he whispered, his breath feathering across my mouth, and a relieved shudder worked its way down my spine.

The motion didn't go unnoticed, and I frowned as Azriel pulled back and looked away, seeming unwilling to meet my eyes. "Az? What's wrong?" I asked, tilting my head in the hope of recapturing his gaze, but I already knew the answer as I felt his shame and guilt trickling down the bond. My heart constricted even as I tried to send calm reassurance to him, but I felt my own guilt writhing in my gut. I'd been surprised by Azriel's revulsion toward his task of interrogating the traitor, and he knew it. He would've felt it. The thought was devastating.

"Hey, we don't have to talk about it," I began, cupping Azriel's face and running my thumb over his cheek, but he twisted out of my grasp and I let my hand fall into the space between us.

"I don't want your pity," he snapped, his eyes suddenly blazing with red-hot anger that coursed through the bond. I blinked, taken aback, and he sat up abruptly and glared down at me. "I appreciate you helping me get cleaned up, but you don't have to look at me like I'm some wounded animal you're trying to nurse back to health."

This was so not how I had pictured this conversation going. I pushed myself upright, sighing, and ran a hand through my hair. I stretched out my wings and used the motion to stall while I tried to find the right words. "Az," I began, looking into those guarded hazel eyes. "I don't pity you. You've seen me after battles. Do you think I don't know how that feels?" His expression softened slightly, so I reached for his hand, relieved beyond words when he let me take it in my own. "I can't believe that all these years I never knew you hated it," I continued quietly. "I thought... I don't know..." I fumbled for words, staring at our conjoined hands, unable to meet his gaze in shame that I had thought that my mate - my thoughtful, beautiful mate - enjoyed torturing our Court's enemies.

"Cass," he murmured, drawing my eyes back up to his. "I know you didn't know." His lips quirked in a wry smile. "I made very sure that you never saw me after an interrogation. Even Rhys doesn't know the extent of it." He took a deep breath. "You're both such protectors. I knew that if I told either of you, you'd try to make me stop doing my job." I opened my mouth to protest, but he silenced me with a look. "It is my job," he insisted, somehow knowing exactly what I had been about to say. "And I have never complained about it. I just... I have to go to a dark place to do it, and sometimes it takes me a little while to come back."