Breakthroughs within Barriers (Youth Series #4)

25

#BWB25

I woke up in pursuit to live the life I've ever wanted, but I found myself lying on the floor in my empty apartment. My body is positioned sideways with my head placed on my left arm while the right rest on the cold floor. I wanted to change positions but I didn't have the strength to do so.

I was enveloped with silence. I didn't move nor speak. I swallowed hard but it hurt because my throat was dry. I couldn't even feel my own body anymore. I'm like an empty vessel without any soul.

The ray of moonlight from my windows was my only source of light in this dark room. I shivered when the cold breeze touched my skin. My mouth felt dry. I forgot the taste of water. I licked my dry lips and tasted the metallic blood from it. And my heart, I couldn't feel my heartbeat even if I'm hugging myself.

Am I dead?

Is this what depression feels like?

I want to get up but my body just wouldn't move. It's like I'm glued to the floor. And so, I allowed myself to lay on the floor for five minutes more. I stared blankly at the kitchen counter in front of me. I was still half-asleep. Thoughts empty, just me, forgetting that five minutes have already passed.

I noticed that my phone is just beside me. I took it and checked the time. It was 3am in the morning. I closed my eyes because I was blinded by the low brightness of my phone but I opened my eyes again because I didn't want to fall asleep.

My empty thoughts was replaced by the sound of soft and indie music of my apartment. I was now aware of my five senses. I looked at the old record player on top of the counter.

Apocalypse by Cigarettes After Sex was playing.

I forgot that I played a vinyl to that old record player that's originally in this empty apartment.

Got the music in you baby. tell me why

Got the music in you baby, tell me why

You've been locked in here forever and you just can't say goodbye.

One thing led to another, I found myself slowly getting up after ten minutes of gathering my strength and my purpose to do so.

I walked towards the kitchen with bare feet. I felt colder than before. I went to the fridge and opened it. I saw my left over bowl of oatmeal, a unwrapped sandwich, and a bottle of half empty milk. I checked the milk if it's spoiled already, and it is. I got irritated by the smell so I immediately put it back. I just went with the oatmeal and sandwich.

I wiped the dust first off the kitchen counter before placing the food. And then I sat on the wooden stool. I heard it creaked. It must be broken. I didn't mind anymore. I stopped when I saw the unopened bottle of alcohol and a pack of cigarettes. I don't know why but I just both those two items yesterday. I still haven't touched it.

Oh

When you're all alone

I will reach for you

When you're feeling low

I will be there too

I moved it to the side and began to eat meal. Even if I have no appetite, I forced myself to eat for me and my baby. I couldn't taste anything at all. I just know it tasted awful. I coughed when I realized that I should have drank water first. I immediately got myself a glass of water and drank it straight.

I feel better.

I continued to eat my oatmeal. I felt full but I chose to ate the sandwich too, because I know that oatmeal wasn't enough for the both of us. The sandwich, I prefer it. It slowly starting to fuel my energy back. After I ate, I drank another glass of water. I put the dish on the sink and threw the sandwich wrapper on the trash. I turned around to see the bottle of alcohol and the pack of cigarettes again. I was tempted.